The Complete Buffy Horror T.V. Show
by Magenta1
Summary: Buffy, Spike and the rest of the scoobies rent The Rocky Horror Picture Show and get sucked into the movie by one of Willow's spells. They turn into the characters from the movie, and lots of madness insues! Angel, Drusilla and Oz come back. Please review
1. Scenes 1-18

The Buffy Horror T.V. Show  
  
Cast:  
Buffy- Herself and Janet  
Xander- Himself and Brad  
Spike- Himself and Riff Raff  
Willow- Herself and Columbia  
Anya- Herself  
Angel- Frank N Furter  
Giles- Himself and The Narrator  
Drusilla- Magenta  
Oz- Eddie/ Dr. Scott  
Rocky- Riley  
  
_Note: The reader should be familiar with both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  
The characters will sometimes be themselves and sometimes be the Rocky Horror character they are portraying. You will know the difference by the names they call each other. **Won't apply too much to 1st part of story.**_

The same warnings and explanations of other fan fiction applies, yatta yatta.  
ENJOY!

  
Scene 1: At Buffy and Willow's apartment.  
  
Buffy: Boy, am I glad we decided on having a movie night instead of going out.   
Willow: I know. It's raining cats and dogs outside. Well, it could be...  
Buffy: Willow, don't even go there. I like my rain wet, not furry.  
Willow: Just saying. Where's Xander and Anya?  
Buffy: Oh, Xander went to rent the movie and Anya is buying popcorn and candy.  
Willow: Oh. Where's Dawn?  
Buffy: She's at her friend's house. For REAL this time. I already called to double check.  
Willow: Oh, that's good.  
(Loud bang outside of the house)  
Willow: What was that? (Goes to the door to check it out) Xander, is that you?  
Xander: Ow, yeah. This package weighs a ton.  
(Buffy comes to the door and helps Xander carry it in)  
Buffy: I thought you were just renting a video.  
Xander: I was, but the guy at the video store told me that it was more fun watching when using props and dressing up. Audience Participation or something.  
(Door is pushed opened by one pissed off Spike)  
Spike: No you ninny, you use that stuff when you go to see it in the actual movie theater.  
Buffy: (In a very sarcastic tone) Oh, I'm so glad that you're here to join us.  
Spike: You were last night.   
Buffy: Look, what was done is done.  
Spike: Oh, very convincing. This must be the 100th time you've said that.  
(Xander interupts)  
Xander: Okay, not going to ask and assume we're talking about patroling.  
Willow: Um, where's Anya?  
Xander: I don't know. I thought she came back already. Should we start the movie without her?  
Willow: Um, what movie is it, anyway?  
Spike: The Rocky Horror Picture Show, of course. What other movie uses props like these and audience participation?  
Buffy: Oh, I've never seen it.  
Spike: You mean to tell me that you're a Rocky Horror virgin? I suppose the rest of you have never seen it either. Great for some "ideas," if you know what I mean.  
(Willow has already looked in the video bag)  
Willow: From the looks of it, it looks, um, unique.  
Xander: If you want, I can get another video.  
Spike: No, that won't be necessary. Rocky Horror is an excellent movie for a dark, stormy night. Especially with such (looks at Buffy and speaks with a hint of sarcasim in his voice) a lively group.  
Buffy: Well, who said you could join us?  
Spike: Already here. Might as well stay.  
Willow: Forget about the movie for a second. I'm getting worried about Anya. Maybe I'd better do a location spell.  
(Buffy and Xander speak at the same time)  
No! No more spells.  
Willow: Okay, I won't use magic! It's not like all my spells turn out to be disasters.  
Xander: Not even gonna comment.  
(Banging on the door followed by a loud shriek)  
Anya: Guys, let me in!  
(Buffy rushes to door and lets Anya in)  
Buffy: What took you so long? We were getting worried.  
Anya: I was walking here, when I saw a rabid bunny outside. It chased me and made me drop the groceries. I spent an hour trying to ditch it. Then, I had to go and buy more food.  
Ooooo, we're watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show? I remember seeing it in the theater.  
Spike: Can you believe that none of them have ever even seen it?  
Anya: Oh, that's too bad. Xander, you can learn a lot from this movie if you know what I mean.  
Xander: Okay, now I'm offically disturbed. I think I understand everything that's going on. You know what? I'll go pop the popcorn.  
Anya: No, it's okay honey. I wouldn't want you to miss any of the movie. You guys can start it while I pop the popcorn.  
(Xander groans)  
Spike: Alright, now let the show begin.   
  
Scene 2: After they finish the movie.  
  
Buffy: That was, interesting.  
(Spike sneers)  
Spike: Learn anything, pet?  
(Xander groans)  
Xander: Anya, I want you to know that I love you and will try many things, but fishnets are out.  
Spike: (Very sarcastic) Oh, that a shame. The thought of you in fishnets really turns me   
on.  
Buffy: I bet it does.  
Spike: You know, fishnets would make your legs look incredibly sexy.  
Buffy: Yeah, and I'm sure they'd have the same affect on you.  
Xander: Okay, mental picture out of my head. I don't think I've been as disturbed since that mental image of Willow and Oz playing Mistress of Pain.  
(Awkward silence. Everyone stares at him)  
Xander; Did I just say that outloud?  
Willow: Yes you did.  
Xander: Oh. Dammit, Willow.  
Willow: Dammit Janet.  
Xander: Great, now I'm quoting from Rocky Horror.  
Willow: I really enjoyed it, actually. Don't Dream It, Be It. Wow, I think I may have a new favorite movie.  
Buffy: You were right Anya. It's always the quiet ones.  
Willow: I'm serious. In fact we all could relate to these characters. Hey, that gives me an idea.  
Buffy: Don't even go there.  
Willow: Relax, it's just a tiny, harmless spell. All it does it observe everybody's personalities and designate them with the character they are the most like.  
Xander: I don't know.  
Willow: Trust me, it'll be fun.  
Spike: Yeah, Xander. I bet he's afraid he'll be the most like Brad.  
Anya: Spike does have a point.  
Xander: Okay, I am so not like Brad. First of all, I'm straight.  
Spike: Come on Xander, don't be in denial.  
(Xander ignores comment)  
Xander: Second of all, I'm way cooler than Brad. Tighty whiteys? Come on. Third of all, I don't wear glasses.  
(Spike rolls his eyes)  
Spike: Whatever you say, Bra... I mean Xander.  
Anya: You know what guys? I'm going to pop some more popcorn.  
(She leaves the living room and goes to the kitchen)  
(By this time, Willow has already found the spell that she wants)  
Buffy: No, don't!  
Willow: Sorry Buffy, but I really want to do this.  
Allow us to see which character is most like me  
Include our past, whatever you desire to cast  
Show us the way...   
(The T.V. becomes blurry, and Spike, Willow, Xander and Buffy are sucked in. Anya is still in the kitchen)  
Anya: Guys? Hey guys, did I miss something? Hey, Rocky Horror is on again. Might as well watch it.  
  
Scene 3: The Wedding  
(The characters of "Brad and Janet" are at their best friend's wedding. However, they are now being portrayed by Xander and Buffy)  
  
Xander: What are we doing here?  
Buffy: (In a scared voice) I don't know.  
(Anya chokes on her popcorn)  
Anya: Oh no, Willow must have done her spell, and it sucked them into the movie. I wonder if they'll become the characters of Brad and Janet or just be in the same situations as themselves.   
Xander: Buffy, how the hell did we get here?  
Buffy: I guess it was... wait, I forgot.  
(Xander bumps into a tree)  
Xander; Ow, I can't see anything.  
Buffy: Here, put these on. (Gives him a big, thick pair of glasses)  
Xander: Thanks. Hey Janet?  
Buffy: Yes Brad?  
Xander: I've got something to say.  
Buffy; Uh huh?  
Xander: I really love the skillful way you beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet.  
Buffy: Oh, Brad.  
(The song continues while Anya watches)  
Anya: Hey, that's my future husband! You can't propose to Buffy. Watch out, here I come! (She jumps into the T.V. just when the song ends and the narrator begins to speak)  
  
Scene 4: The Narrator's Office  
Anya: Damn, just missed them. (See's a door in the narrator's office and tries to open it, but it won't open. She sits grumpily on the floor.)  
Anya: This sucks! It's bad enough that Xander proposed to Buffy, but now I won't even be able to have sex and orgies with everyone at the mansion. I don't even have a character! I'm stuck with the narrator until I can find a way out of here. Wait a second, who's the Narrator? Is it the real one or whoever we know most like him? Uh oh....  
(Giles enters the room with a book)  
Giles: Anya, what are we doing here?  
Anya: Willow did a spell that caused all the people we have known or know to become the Rocky Horror character we're most like or something like that.

Giles- Oh great, not another spell!

Anya- Giles, what do we do?

Giles- I don't know, I honestly don't know.

Anya- Great, just great. Giles? (no response). Hey, Giles?

Giles- I would like, if I may to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors and his fiancee, Janet Weiss, two young, ordinary healthy kids, left Denton that late November evening to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, ex. tutor and now friend to both of them. It's true, there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black and embulous to all of which they were driving. It's true also that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, but they being normal kids and on a night out. Well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening. On a night out, it was a night out they were going to remember for a very long time.

(Anya groans)

(To be continued)

Scene 5: The Car Ride

__

[] is when Anya is talking to the T.V.

Anya is sitting in the narrator's office and spots a T.V. She turns it on and it shows The Rocky Horror Picture Show with Buffy and Xander playing Brad and Janet)

Anya: Without the scooby gang, how the hell will we get out of here? Oooooo, T.V. (See's who's on it) Well, if I can't join them or get us out of here, I might as well them. Hey, there's still audience participation. 

__

(The resignation speech of Nixon is on the radio. Xander and Buffy are driving in their car silently, not realizing that they're acting any different than usual) 

["Hey Dick, have you ever been a quitter?"]  
Nixon: I have never been a quitter. ["Bullshit"] To leave office before  
my term is over is against every instinct in my body.  
["You call that a body?"] But as President, ["You call that a  
President?"]...I must put the interests of America first.  
["What does America need, Dick?"] America needs a full time  
President, ["What else, Dick?"] and a full time Congress...  
Buffy: Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us.  
["The slut can count."]  
They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the  
weather and all.  
["Say something stupid, Asshole!"]  
Xander: Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type.  
["Yay that type!"]  
Buffy: Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling?  
["I came on the windshield"]  
Xander: We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

Buffy: Oh, but where did those motorcycles come from?  
[hums Twilight Zone theme]  
["Make a sound like a cow, Brad."]  
Xander: Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.  
["Don't back up!"] (BOOM)  
Buffy: Oh! What was that bang? ["A gang bang!"]  
Xander: We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! ["Kill that smurf!" clap hands]  
I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. ["Asshole!"]  
Well, you just stay here, keep warm and I'll go for help.  
Buffy: Where will you go in the middle of nowhere?  
Xander: ["Try the castle!"] ...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road  
a few miles? [Cheer] Maybe they have a telephone I could use.  
["Castles don't have telephones, asshole!"]  
Buffy: I'm going with you.  
Xander: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.  
["She's already wet!"]  
Buffy: I'm coming with you! ["That'll be a first!"] Besides darling,  
the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman, ["He is!"]  
and you might never come back again. ["You should be so lucky."]  
Xander: Heh, heh, heh, heh.

(Soon, they begin singing There's A Light as they near the castle door)

Scene 6: Back in the Narrator's Office

__

(We find Giles narrating while Anya watches the T.V. She is getting bored of audience participation fast and wants to get out of there. She wants to get Giles to remember who he is and help her.)

Giles: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. ...Or had they?

Anya: Shut up, Giles!

Giles: Who is this man you speak of. I am a criminalogist named.... um, named um...... oh G-d, I don't have a name!

Anya: Don't be an idiot! Everyone has a name. Yours is Giles. Say Giiiiillllleeees.

Giles: Hey, I may have no neck (rocky horror joke) but I am able to prononce Giles.

(Feels his neck.)

Oh my G-d, I have a neck! Maybe what you're saying is true.

Anya: It is. Now, you are a watcher. Well, you used to be. Buffy is the slayer, Xander is my fiancee, Willow is our friend and Spike is, well he's, um..... He's a vampire who can't hurt people because of a chip in his head who has nothing better to do but follow Buffy around. (Pants for breath). Oh and by the way, I'm an ex demon who's afraid of bunnies.

Giles: Yes, I'm beginning to remember.

Anya: So now do you believe me?

Giles: Not really, but we can discuss it after I'm done narrating.

Anya: Dammit! (Thinks for a minute). Hey Giles or narrator dude or whoever the hell you want to be called, what happens when the movie ends?

Giles: What movie?

Anya: The one you're in right now!

Giles: We're not in a movie. This is my job.

Anya: Yeah, perfectly normal to be talking to a camera about something that happened 25 years ago!

Giles: What! 25 years? Oh my... That would mean we're in the year 2000.

Anya: Well 2001, but who's counting? Once you've reached 1000 years old, you begin to loose track of time. (Continues to watch T.V.)

  
Scene 7: Spike's Monologue

(Back in the castle, Spike is roaming around doing the butler chores of Riff Raff. However, it doesn't take him too long to drop the broom and look out of the window. He sings his little solo in "There's A Light," and goes downstairs)

Spike (muttering to himself): Hmmm, looks like we have visitors. Oh, shit, I think they're earthlings. That means that the master's going to have some new playmates. Lucky bastard. It's not like he doesn't have enough fun screwing around with Columbia and his creations, but to do so with my sister, well..... I'll get him back. Maybe I'll have a little fun. (Looks out of downstairs window and sees Buffy and Xander. This gives him an idea.) Hmmm, I know! These earthlings would be the perfect distraction! Then I can get my sister, Magenta and we can kill that notorious Frank N Furter once and for all!

(Looks out of window once more)

Hmmm, those earthlings look awfully familiar. Oooo, the blond one is a hottie. Very hot. Okay, new plan. Screw the blond and have that guy with her go up to the lab and keep Frank busy. Then, I can lock her up in a cage, kill Frank and everyone else other than my sister and then we'll go back to our planet. The blond can be our sex bunny. Sounds good.

(Thinks again)

Wait a minute, there's a reason why they look familiar....

(Starts to remember everything that happened)

Jesus, Willow's spell! This means that I'm stuck as Riff Raff until we get out of here. Wait, do the others realize what happened?

(Sees Willow tap dancing in the other room. Then, he looks outside and sees Buffy and Xander holding hands and skipping)

No, I guess not. I guess only creatures of darkness remain immune. Well, this means that Buffy can't slay! She's completely helpless. Oooooo! I wonder, does my chip still work?

(He goes into the room where Willow is tap dancing and pushes her. She yells at him to watch it. His head doesn't feel any pain)

Yes, yes, yes! Thank you Willow! Hey, I wonder what happened to Anya.

(Anya's watching on T.V. and had heard everything)

Anya: I'm right here, you putz!

(Spike hears Anya)

Oh bloody hell! Her screaming will give me enough of a headache. Aw well, she can't do anything else. Operation "Get Revenge on Buffy and Eat Some Humans" is now starting.

Nothing will get in my way!

(Drusilla walks in the room)

Hey, Drusilla. (Thinks for a second). Drusilla!

Drusilla: Who's Drusilla, my pet? Is that another one of the master's conquests.

Spike: Um, no love. Just a name I heard of on T.V.

Drusilla: Hey, the master's busy preparing for his creation. Do you want to go do something naughty?

(Spike thinks for a second. He decides to play along and pretend to be Riff Raff for now, for as long as she wasn't reminded of her true identity, she'd think she was Magenta.)

Spike: Oh, don't you know it baby. (The doorbell rings.)

Damn, it's the bell. Hey, we can pick up on this later.

Drusilla: Alright, Riffy. (Leaves the room)

Spike: This is perfect! I'll get revenge on Drusilla as well! Ooooooo, it just doesn't get any better than this.

(Doorbell rings once more)

Well, I guess I'd better go play butler. Oh Buffy, you have no idea what's in store for you!

Anya: I bet I can guess (groans)

(To be continued.)

Scene 8: Entering the Castle and The Time Warp: 

Note to reader: Spike doesn't remember EVERYTHING that happened in the movie exactly. This causes problems for him, for he doesn't want anyone to remember who they really are until he's "done" with them.

Also, the chorus is being sung by the people of Sunnydale. This is important later in the story.

(Spike goes to the door. Outside are soaking wet Buffy and Xander)

Spike: (echo) Hello.

Xander: Hi! My name is Brad Majors and this is my fiancee Janet Weiss.

Spike: (mutters to himself) I knew he'd be Brad.

Xander: Excuse me sir, but what are you talking about?

Spike: Oh, nothing. (Smirks)

Xander: Anyway, I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?

Spike: (Is getting bored) Yeah, yeah. You're wet, I think you perhaps better both come inside and all of that crap.

Xander and Buffy: Huh?

Spike: Oh bloody hell, never mind. Just come in already.

Buffy: (Speaks with a hint of fear in her voice) You're too kind.

(The two enter the castle. They are cold and uncomfortable)

Buffy: Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?  
Xander: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

Spike: This way. (Bumps into a statue.) Ow! No, I guess not. (Remembers which way Riff Raff went in the movie and leads them to the staircase.)

Buffy: (Whispers to Xander) This handyman is strange.

Xander: Nonsense, Janet. He must be a foreigner. Their ways are different from ours, dear.

Spike: (Mutters) No shit, Sherlock.

Janet: Are you having a party?  
Spike: (Gets back into character) You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the  
master's affairs.   
Janet: Oh... lucky him.  
Spike: (Thinks to himself) Lucky me!  
Drusilla: (Slides on banister downstairs) You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha ha  
Spike: (Mutters to himself) Oh yeah, forgot about that part. Oh crap, the Time Warp's coming. Uh oh, I better remember the words.

  
THE TIME WARP  
  
Spike: It's, um, um, 

Anya: (Screaming from narrator's office) Astounding, you nitwit!

Spike: Oh, right. It's astounding;   
Time is fleeting;   
Madness takes its toll.   
But listen closely...  
Drusilla: Not for very much longer.  
Spike: I've got to, um...

Anya: Get a life!

Spike: Get a life. No wait, that's not right! (Thinks to himself) Just keep going, Spike. No one notices. Oh yeah, now I remember. I don't need Anya's help. I can do this on my own!

(Continues song)

Keep control

(Sings in a monotone voice, the complete opposite of the Riff Raff in the movie) 

I remember doing the time warp  
Drinking those moments when  
The blackness would hit me  
And a void would be calling...  
Chorus: Let's do the time warp again.  
Let's do the time warp again.  
Giles: It's just a jump to the left.  
Anya: Please G-d, not Giles! I don't think I can bear it.

All: And then a step to the right.  
Giles: With your hands on your hips.   
All: You bring your knees in tight.  
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane.  
Let's do the time warp again.  
Let's do the time warp again.  
(Drusilla's solo starts)

Drusilla: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.  
So you can't see me, no, not at all.  
In another dimension,  
with voyeuristic intention,  
Well secluded,  
I see all.

(Music stops. She starts laughing uncontrolably)

Mwah ha ha ha. The stars are all shining right in front of me, but they all are the same. Oh, the stars. (Starts to spin very fast)

Spike: Um, love. Love? (No response) Magenta darling, that's enough.

Drusilla: Oh, sorry Riff.

(Song continues.)   
Spike: With a bit of a mind flip  
Drusilla: You're into the time slip.   
Spike: And nothing can ever be the same.  
Drusilla: You're spaced out on sensation.  
Spike: Like you're under sedation.  
[Buffy faints. Xander catches her, and Spike laughs]  
All: Let's do the time warp again.  
Let's do the time warp again.  
(Willow comes out dressed in black shorts, a sequin, rainbow, sleeveless top, tap shoes, a gold, glittery jacket and a gold, glittery top hat) 

Willow: (Voice very squeaky and high) 

Well I was walking down the street just having a think  
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.  
He shook me up, he took me by surprise  
He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.  
He stared at me and I felt a change.  
Time meant nothing, never would again.  
All: Let's do the time warp again.

Let's do the time warp again.  
Giles: It's just a jump to the left.  
All: And then a step to the right.  
Giles: With your hands on your hips.   
All: You bring your knees in tight.  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
That really drives you insane.  
Let's do the time warp again.  
Let's do the time warp again.  
(Willow tap-dances and like Columbia, falls on her ass. She slams her hat on her head and stamps away)   
All: Let's do the time warp again.  
Let's do the time warp again.  
Giles: It's just a jump to the left. 

Anya: Oh no, not the desk! Anything but the desk. (Giles goes on the desk to narrate.) Ugh, this can't get worse  
All: And then a step to the right.  
Giles: With your hands on your hips.   
All: You bring your knees in tight.  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
that really drives you insane.

Anya: G-d, I apologize. Seeing Giles doing the pelvic thrust tops him climbing on his desk.  
Let's do the time warp again.  
Let's do the time warp again.

(Everyone collapses on the floor. Spike forgot about this part, but then realizes it and falls on the ground 5 seconds after everyone else has fallen. All except Xander and Buffy.   
Buffy: (Whispers) Brad, say something.   
Xander: Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?   
(Buffy groans after this comment, for even her character realizes what a putz "Brad" can be)

Buffy: Brad, please, let's get out of here.  
(Spike cuts off Xander's line, for he thinks it's his.)

Spike: For christ sake, Buf... I mean Janet. It's just a party.

(A voice comes from upstairs. It sounds very familiar.)

Voice: Hey, Spike. Not too familiar with the Rocky Horror script, eh?

Spike: Of course I am. I'm just not too familiar with the exact lines. 

(Pauses for a second)

Oh my G-d, it's you!

(To be continued)

Scene 9: Questions for the Vampire

(Spike looks around, not knowing where the voice is coming from. All he knows is who it is, and it sounds evil)

Spike: Angel, is that you?

Angel: No, it's your mother. G-d Spike, don't ask such stupid questions.

Spike: I thought so. You're evil again, aren't you.

Angel: (Sarcasm) Very good, Spikey! Here, go fetch yourself a little human snack. Oh yeah, that's right. You can't kill anyone.

Spike: Oh really?

(He grabs one of the people singing in the chorus and drags them into the room Spike and Angel were talking in and has himself a little snack)

Spike: Wow, I had almost forgotten how good it tasted.

(Angel laughs evilly. He then takes out something that looks like a remote control. Time freezes. Only Angel and Spike are unaffected)

Spike: I don't remember Frank N Furter being able to do that.

Angel: Oh, he could turn people into statues with his Sonic Transducer. He could also freeze time with it.

Spike: So, you now have the knowledge of Frank?

Angel: What makes you say I'm Frank.

Spike: Well, the heels and fishnets kind of are a dead give away. Besides, the part of Dr. Scott is so not you.

Angel: Well, you're correct. I'm supposed to be Frank N Furter.

Spike: (Asks in a menacing tone) Have you ever seen the end of the movie, Angel?   
Angel: Of course not. By that time, everyone's all having orgies together.

Spike: (mumbles to himself) Yeah, that's what I had hoped.

Angel: What?

Spike: Oh, nothing. Say, how'd you remember who you really are? And how'd you loose your soul again?

Angel: Oh, I saw you bump into the statue, and it all came back to me.

Spike: Oh. (Thinks for a second) How come Drusilla doesn't remember who she is?

Angel: Because she's insane. She'll just go with the flow. 

Spike: Oh. And what about the humans.

Angel: Needn't worry about them. Something casual like screwing up lines won't cause them to remember. Something (searches for the right word) "traumatic" must happen to trigger their memory.

Spike: Hello? Something traumatic DOES happen to them. Ever see the movie?

Angel: Quite frankly...(laughs at his own corny joke). Quite frankly Spike, I don't like your attitude. Never the less, I'll let you in on the plan.

Spike: What plan?

Frank: Operation eat and torture all the humans in the chorus. You see how many of them their are?

Spike: Yeah. 1000's of them.

Angel: All for the taking.

Spike: Yeah. Now, what do you want with me?

Angel: To keep quiet. Don't remind them of who they are until I'm ready.

Spike: And if I refuse?

Angel: Then I'll kill Drusilla. Oh that's right, she dumped you. Maybe there's someone else. Someone else who you love...

Spike: (Sounds kind of nervous) Um, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Angel: (Continues patronizing Spike) Poor little Spike, in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Oh, what a shame. You see, once you have Angel, you never go back.

(Spike turns into his vampire form and growls. He pushes Angel. He laughs)  
Angel: There's the Spike I knew so many years ago! 

Spike: Yeah, I'm back!

Angel: Okay Spike, here's the plan. We continue to act out the movie right up until the floor show. From there, we imprison all the humans including Buffy and the scoobies. We save them for last. Especially Buffy, for she has tortured the both of us and made us like... Oh can't even say the word.

Spike: Human.

Angel: Yes, that. We'll torture her until every single last human is killed. (Laughs) And that could take months... 

Spike: (Thinks for a second) Okay, sounds good. Except I have some questions. What about "The Creation?" Are we building him?

Angel: Yes, in order to go with the flow of the movie.

Spike: And the fishnets?

Angel: (Looks down at his legs) Oh yeah, I've got to dress like this in order for the humans still to remain clueless. You must be loving it, Spike.

Spike: (Very sarcastic) Oh, how'd you figure me out? Am I that transparent? Oh yeah baby, you've discovered my secret.

Angel: Sarcasm will get you nowhere.

Spike: Oh, you thought I was being sarcastic? (They both laugh)

Spike: Okay, enough of the funnies. What about Buffy? Will she be able to slay if she gets her memory back?

Angel: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. By that time, she'll be in chains completely helpless.

Spike: (Gets a little too excited when he hears "Buffy" and "Chains" and jumps up and bangs his head on the chandelier)

Yeah, chains! Ow, that really hurt.

Angel: Now, you can have half of the humans and torture Buffy when she's chained up. Do whatever you want with Drusilla. Sleep with her, torture her, I don't care. Just whatever you do, you cannot sleep with Buffy.

Spike: But you can?

Angel: It's in the movie. (Spike glares at him with hate in his eyes)

Hey, I won't enjoy it. (Laughs) Much.

Plus, I also have to sleep with Xander.

(Anya screams from narrator's office)

Anya: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Xander can't become gay before our wedding.

Angel: Who the hell was that?

Spike: Oh, the ex. Demon. Don't worry, she can't do anything to foil the plan. (Turns to camera, the one that's filming everything; Anya's T.V. shows what's happening with this camera. He winks at her)

Anya: What the... (Thinks for a second) Oh, got you Spike.

Angel: So, ready to unfreeze time?

Spike: Oh, more than ready. Say, what musical number are we up to anyway?

Angel: Sweet Transvestite.

Spike: Well, you better get in that closet, then.

Angel: Elevator.

Spike: Oh, bloody hell! Just get ready.

Angel: You know what? I've got an excellent feeling about this.

Spike: So do I Angel, so do I. 

Scene 10: Sweet Vampire

(Spike goes back to the room he was in and Angel unfreezes time. Everyone in the chorus is standing silently, for they know the great "Frank N Furter" (Angel) is about to answer. Xander and Buffy slowly walk backward from the crowd, for they are scared and deeply disturbed. Their dialogue starts from where they left off. Their backs are facing the elevator.) 

(This time, Spike doesn't interrupt. He's too busy looking for a camera. He has every intention on taking a picture of Angel in makeup, a corset and fishnet stockings.)

Buffy: Brad, please, let's get out of here.  
Xander: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.  
Buffy: But it... it seems so unhealthy here.  
Xander: It's just a party, Janet.  
Buffy: Well, I want to go.  
Xander: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.  
Buffy: Well then ask the butler or someone.  
Xander: Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere  
with their celebration.  
Buffy: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.  
Xander: They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own.  
They may do some more... folk dancing.  
Buffy: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared.  
Xander: I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.

Spike: (mutters to himself) That's REAL assuring  


(Buffy turns around and sees the face of Angel. To her and everyone else, it's Frank N Furter. She screams and then faints).  


SWEET TRANSVESTITE:

Angel: How do you do?

Spike: Just fine, thanks.

Angel: (Glares at Spike with true hate in his eyes. He doesn't want anything to go wrong, and Spike's wisecracks and lack of knowledge of the lines infuriate him. However, he's so focused on his contempt toward Spike that he manages to screw up his lines as well. He starts the song again, and hopes for the best.)  
Angel: How do you do, I see you've met my (pauses for a minute, not sure if he wants to use the original word. However, he wants to stick to the script, and uses the one in the movie). "faithful" handyman.

(Spike chuckles)

He's just a little brought down

Because when you knocked  
He thought you were the candyman.  
Spike: Ooooo, we're having a candyman come over!?!?! Yeah! (He bangs his head on the chandelier once more) Okay, now I'm mad! (Spike jumps up and attempts to break the chandelier, but bangs his head once more. He gives up, and is content with making Angel miserable)   
Angel: (Ignores Spike and continues the song)

Don't get strung out by the way I look.

Spike: Don't worry, I'm taking pictures!  
Don't judge a book by its cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day  
But by night I'm one hell of a lover.   
Spike: Yeah, that's why Drusilla and Buffy left you for me.   
(Angel still goes on with his song, but is having a hard time ignoring Spike anymore, and his face is starting to change)

I'm just a sweet transvestite  
Buffy: Oh my G-d, what's happening to his face?

From Transexual, Transylvania.

(By this time, he has calmed down and his face goes back to "normal" Well, normal for Frank)  
Let me show you around   
Maybe play you a sound.   
You look like you're both pretty groovy.   
Or if you want something visual   
That's not too abysmal,   
Spike: What the hell does abysmal mean?

We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.   
Anya: Who the hell is Steve Reeves?  
Xander: I'm glad we caught you at home,  
Could we use your phone?   
We're both in a bit of a hurry.   
Buffy: Right.   
Xander: We'll just say where we are,  
Then go back into the car.   
We don't want to be any worry.  
Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that?  
Well, babies, don't you panic.  
Anya: No, panic, panic!

By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.  
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.   
Spike: Okay, this song is getting old. I don't even understand half the words you're saying. Just get on with it. 

Angel: I would if you stopped interrupting me, you idiot!

(continues with the song)   
I'm just a sweet transvestite  
From Transexual, Transylvania.

Why don't you stay for the night?  
Spike and Drusilla: [echo] Night.  
Angel: Or maybe a (laughs) bite?  
Willow: (She licks her lips in a horny kind of way) Bite.  
Frank: I could show you my favorite obsession.   
Spike: She's already here!

I've been making a man   
With blonde hair and a tan   
And he's good for relieving my....tension  
Spike: I knew you were gay! No decent vampire would go around dressed like that!

Angel: You idiot! I'm gonna kill you and your little bitch! (Freezes time, so the humans don't know what's happening. He, Spike and Drusilla are unaffected)

(Angel and Spike start to wrestle on the floor. Drusilla is laughing hysterically)

Drusilla: Boys, boys. Enough fighting! Finish the song, Angel. From Transexual, Transylvania.  
HIT IT, HIT IT!  
Angel: Wait, how'd you know it was me?

Drusilla: Seeing you and Spike fight like that reminded me of old times. Besides, I had a dream that something like this was going to happen. (Starts spinning around like crazy)

I'm just a sweet transvestite  
Angel: (Grabs Drusilla and twirls her around)

Okay, here's the deal. Spike and I were planning on going along with the movie and then eating the chorus and torturing the Slayer until every last human is dead.

Drusilla: Ooooo, sound like fun! But what about Spike's chip?

Spike: What chip? (He grabs a human and eats them very quickly)   
Drusilla: Yeah! Spike, Spikey, this means

Spike: I'm back again.

Angel: Alright, I'll give you another chance if you shut up.

(Spike rolls his eyes and Drusilla grins. Angel ignores this, and unfreezes time. He continues singing his song.)   
Angel: From Transexual, Transylvania.  
So come up to the lab,   
And see what's on the slab.  
I see you shiver with antici - (pauses for 3 seconds) pation.  
But maybe the rain  
Isn't really to blame.   
So I'll remove the cause.   
But not the symptom.  
(He goes back into the elevator and goes upstairs)  
(applause) (Xander and Janet are given towels by Spike and Drusilla. Spike is standing behind Buffy and Dru behind Xander. He knows what part comes next, and is smiling from ear to ear.)  
Buffy: Thank you.  
Xander: Thank you very much.

Anya: Hell no, you aren't undressing my man!

(Spike grabs the zipper of Buffy's dress and pulls it down very slowly. He then puts his hands on her belt buckle and slowly undoes her belt. He pulls the dress down. He wanted to take her right then and there, but knew it would ruin everything. Instead, he just waits for Drusilla to finish undressing Xander. Buffy is wearing nothing more than a white bra and a white slip.)   
Buffy: Oh! Brad!  
Xander: It's all right Janet. We'll play along for now and pull  
out the aces when the time is right. (Drusilla pulls off his pants)

Anya: No, not the tighty whites!

Willow: Slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush.   
Xander: Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee,  
Janet Weiss. (Anya cringes when she hears this)  
Willow: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.  
Some people would give their right arm for the privilege.  
Xander: People like you maybe.  
Willow: Ha! I've seen it.  
(She throws the clothes. Xander grabs a shoe to cover himself.)  
Anya: No, you idiot. Grab a stake, a weapon, anything useful! Anything but a freakin shoe!  
(Spike pours wine into a glass and takes a swig from the bottle.)   
Drusilla: Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.  
Shift it.  
(He doesn't know what to do next. Drusilla motions to him to drop the bottle. He shrugs his shoulders and does so)   
(The elevator goes up, on the way to the lab)  
Buffy: Is he - Frank I mean - is he your husband?  
(Drusilla cracks up)  
Spike: The master is not yet married, nor do I expect he ever will be. We are simply his (groans. He knows what comes next, and can't bear to say it).

Servants. (Glares menacingly in Angel's direction)  
Buffy: Oh.

(The elevator stops, and they are in the lab)

(To be continued)

Scene 11: Creating "Rocky"

(Spike, Drusilla, Willow, Buffy and Xander have just taken the elevator up to the lab. In

this scene, Angel has a speech, but is very unfamiliar with it. He asks Spike to make him notecards with the EXACT lines. Spike decides to have a little fun with this task). 

Angel: Magenta (Drusilla looks around bewildered. Angel clears his throat. She just looks at him with a blank expression)

Spike: Step forward, love.

Drusilla: Ohhhhhh, right. I'm Magenta!

Angel: (Shakes his head. Looks as if he has a really bad headache)

Columbia (Willow steps forward), go assist Riff Raff. I will entertain.... eh heh heh.

Xander: (Steps forward and shakes Angel's hand.) Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee Janet "Vice."

Buffy: Weiss.

Spike: Summers.

(Angel ignores the comment)

Angel: Enchante

(Buffy giggles. Spike rolls his eyes.)

Angel: Well! How nice.   
And what charming underclothes you both have.  
But here. Put these on.   
They'll make you feel less vulnerable.   
(Chorus giggles)

It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer  
them... hospitality   
Brad: Hospitality!?   
All we asked was to use your telephone,  
g_d dammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore.  
Buffy : Brad, don't be ungrateful.  
Anya: Grateful! You should sue!  
Brad: (Removes glasses with anger in a quick motion)Ungrateful!   
Anya: Yeah, tell him honey! 

Angel: (Very sarcastic) How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant  
(crowd has flurry of laughs. Spike laughs uncontrollably and falls on the floor and falls on his ass).

Spike: Ow! Why am I so damn clumsy? Doesn't anybody mop in this place? Whose job is it to clean the floors, anyway?

Angel: Yours and Magenta's, you idiot!

Spike: Oh, well we're not doing a very good job.

(One member of the chorus looks close at Xander. He gets very self conscious and closes his lab jacket)  
Angel: You must be awfully proud of him, Janet.  
Buffy : Well, yes I am.   
Spike: Why?

Buffy: Because he's my little sweetie.

Xander: (Embarrassed) Well, I....

Buffy: Your my little honey bear, Brad.  
Xander: Oh gosh.

Spike: Oh gross!

Anya: Oh no!

Angel: (Very angrily)Oh, let's get on with it!

(Everyone shuts up. Angel continues playing his part)

Do you have any tattoos, Brad?   
Brad: Certainly not!  
Angel: Oh well, how about you.   
Buffy : No. (giggling)  
(It's silent for a very awkward minute. Once again, Spike has forgotten his lines. Finally, he realizes they're all waiting for him)

Spike: Everything is ready. Let's get a move on it already! We're waiting for you to say something already.   
Angel: (Mutters to himself) And that's the CLOSEST he's come to remembering his lines!  
(Angel hands wine glass to Spike and spills a little on him).

Spike: Damn it, that was a brand new suit!  
Angel: (Mutters) Just wait until this scene is over.

Spike: (Thinks to himself) Oh, you think I'm annoying now? Just wait Angel, just wait...  
Angel: (Takes out the cards Spike has written for him. Spike chuckles) Tonight, my unconventional conventionalists... you are about to  
witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research (thinks to himself "wow, it's good so far." continues)... and paradise is to be mine! (audience claps)...It was strange the way it happened... I was walking outside in my thong when I saw him. That vampire with the hot little body and the bleached blond hair. I knew that he was smarter and a better fighter when....(Angel realizes that he's got the wrong words written down and his face starts to change)  
Buffy: Oh my g_d, his face is doing that creepy thing again!  
Spike: Relax, Frank. Here's your REAL speech.

(At this point, Angel was ready to kill Spike right then and there. However, it was too late to get rid of him. Instead, he'd try to get along with him.)

Angel: Thank you, Riff Raff. Sorry everyone. It was an April fool.

Buffy: But it's December.

Angel: Listen, blondy. (Calms down). Um, it's an early celebration.

Buffy: Ohhhhh.  
Angel: Now, I will continue. (He reads the new copy Spike gave him). It was strange when it happened. When I discovered the secret, that I'm gay. Wait, that's not right either!

Anya: Screw the speech, you putz!  
Angel: (Remembers the very end of speech and says it)  
You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night  
that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN!  
(Buffy claps, Xander grabs her hands.)  
(Drusilla and Willow take hold of the cloth)  
Angel: Up now!  
Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator... and step the reactor power input  
THREE MORE POINTS!  
Spike: Hey, I don't like being ordered around, "Frank." Please respect my rights and ask me!  
Buffy : He does have a point. No one likes a meanie.

Anya: Slut!  
(Angel continues and begins bringing to life "his creation")

Buffy: Oh, Brad!

Xander: It's all right, Janet.  
(colorful fluids, etc. in order Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue,  
Indigo, Violet, etc. Angel just twists them, not actually having any idea what they do and cursing Spike off under his breath. Spike is just laughing in the background.) 

(At this point, the bandaged figure has been brought to life. Angel really gets into character, and gets very excited. He kicks Spike in the ribs and grabs the wheel he was turning and continues to do so. The creation is slowly brought to the fllor)

Angel: Oh, Riley!

Scene 12: Oh, I can make you a man.

(Riley is wearing nothing more than gold hot pants. Buffy and Xander just stare at him in utter astonishment [remember, they're playing a couple of squares. Besides, that's still a pretty shocking site]. He sings his song SWORD OF DAMOCLES while Angel chases him all over the lab. This makes Angel tired. Spike, Drusilla and Willow do a little dance when this is happening, and guess what? Spike falls on his ass again! )

Spike: Oh, bloody hell! Dru... I mean Magenta, that's it! We're getting the mop!

Willow: But when you use a mop, you make the floor wet. That'll make you even more likely to fall.

Spike: Sod off, bitch! I'll ask your advice when I want it.

Willow: Hmph! (Mumbles under her breath) If Riff had just went to college... 

(Spike rolls his eyes and grabs Drusilla by the arm. He goes with her to fetch some towels.)

Angel: Well..... (Awkward Silence) Um Columbia, what do you think of him?

Willow: Well, according to my book on the human body, his brain is not proportional to the rest of his body and his, um "package" is a little miniscule to the rest of his....

(Angel cuts her off)  
Angel: English and without the painful details!

Willow: He's okay.

Angel: Okay? OKAY! Well, I think we can do better than that ! (Drags Riley to Buffy and Xander) Brad and Janet, what do you think of him?

Buffy: (Tries to think of a response that wouldn't hurt Xander's feelings)

Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.

Anya: Bullshit!

Buffy: Goodness gracious, what was that yelling?

Angel: Um, yelling? I didn't hear any yelling. (Remembers next line and says it in a sly tone) I didn't make him for you!

Buffy: (gasps)

(Angel looks at his cards with his lines and doesn't believe Spike wrote them correctly)

Angel: Charles Atlas, who the hell is he? (Thinks to himself) Ahhh, it must really be Prince Charles. Well, Spike won't fool me!

Angel: He carries the Prince Charles seal of approval!

(Everyone stares at him blankly)

Xander: Um, was that supposed to be a joke?

Angel: Oh, just let me sing my song to Ri... I mean Rocky.

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN

(By now, he's given up with the cards Spike gave him. Luckily for him, he's more familiar with this song than his speech. He also refuses to pay attention to the rest of the stupid comments everyone makes. he'll get his revenge...)

Angel: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds

Will get sand in his face

When kicked to the ground,

And soon in the gym with a determined chin,

The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause

Anya: Hey, that doesn't rhyme! 

Angel: Will make him glisten and gleam.

And with massage, and just a little bit of (Points to Riley, but refuses to actually run his fingers near his manhood. Simply points to his nose instead) steeaaam,

He'll be pink and quite clean

He'll be a strong man. Oh honey...

All: But the wrong man.

Anya: Nah, you can have him.

Angel: He'll eat nutritious high protein,

And swallow raw eggs...

Willow: Can't you get salmonella from that? 

Angel: Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs.

Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.

In just seven days...

I can make you a man.

He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups

Do the smearch, clean and jerk.

Anya: What's a smearch, and how do you do it clean and jerk? 

Angel: He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.

Such strenuous living I just don't understand,

When in just seven days, ...oh baby, ...I can make (Puts hands on his hips) you a man.

(There's a beeping sound coming from the freezer. It breaks open, and Oz comes out of it wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle. He has icicles on his nose)

Willow: Eddie!

(Drusilla and Spike walk in just as Oz bursts out of the freezer)

Spike: Hey, did I miss something? (remembers the movie and knows what happens next) Oh great, more of a mess to clean up! oh, bloody hell!

(Slips on a chunk of ice)

Scene 13: Hot Patootie

(Buffy and Xander stand there shocked and scared. Willow is jumping for joy, for it's her Eddie! Angel gets into character and looks with contempt at Oz. Spike is just grumbling about all the work he has to do.)  
(Oz is wearing a black leather jacket and pants that are WAY too big for him [Eddie is fat, and obviously, Oz isn't.] He still is pretty unemotional, but with a slight attitude.)   
  
HOT PATOOTIE  
Oz: Whatever happened to Saturday night,  
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?  
(He stares at Buffy for a second but then looks in the direction of Willow. Buffy just looks at him in disgust)   
It don't seem the same since cosmic light  
Came into my life, I thought I was divine.  
(Willow is right behind him, very excited. She looks as if as if she's ready to jump him. Oz starts checking out his lover)   
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,  
And listen to the music on the radio;  
A saxophone was blowing on a rock `n roll show.  
You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time.  
(Willow has her hands all over him, and keeps on turning him to face her.)   
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock `n roll.  
(By this time, Oz and Willow are making out passionately on the floor.)   
(The chorus gets repeated 3 more times)  
Spike: Oh, bloody hell! This is gross!  
Anya: This is disgusting!  
Angel: Not to mention, disturbing!  
Spike: That's it! Dru, come with me. Maybe baking some cookies will cheer me up.  
Angel: I didn't know you baked!  
Spike: I didn't know you wore fishnets!   
(At this point, it's time for Oz to play his Sax solo. However, he sucks at it, and the chorus is pissed off. They start throwing their garbage at him)  
Willow: Hey, that's not cool! That's my man you're messing with!  
(She goes into the chorus and tries to rip off the head of one fat guy yelling "obscene remarks" at her Eddie. However, she is very upset when the head doesn't pop off and just throws him into Riley's tank instead)  
Willow: It didn't pop off like my Barbie doll heads used to!  
Angel: (Thinks to himself) I like her style. Maybe I'll turn her instead of killing her.  
(The song continues)  
Oz: My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled.  
My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.  
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt  
And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.  
Get back in front, put some hair oil on  
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song.  
With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along.  
It felt pretty good. Woo You really had a good time..  
(The chorus repeats itself again. At this point Angel knows he's supposed to kill   
someone, but can't remember who.)  


Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock `n roll.  
(repeat seven more times)  
  
Angel: (Thinks to himself) Damn, this can get really screwed up if I kill the wrong person!  
(At this point, Riley is dancing and starting to hump the statues. He then sees Angel and starts humping his leg. He continues to do so, even though Angel keeps pushing him away)  
Anya: Ewww! Kill the bastard in the hot pants. I can't stand him!  
Angel: And neither can I! (He takes a chain saw and runs after Riley. He cuts off his arms, legs, and EVERYTHING else.) [Yes, that includes EVERYTHING, you nasty people]  
Angel: Ha! No more leg humping for you, you bastard!  
(Finally, Angel kills him, for he can no longer stand looking at this pain in the ass creation he created)  
Chorus: Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(They start dancing around like crazy. Xander even lets out a cheer and starts doing the snoopy dance. Buffy just stares at him as if he is an alien, but even she can't help but smile, though she can't imagine why.)  
(Spike and Drusilla walk back in to see all of the commotion)  
Spike: What happened? Did someone win the lottery?  
Drusilla: Ohhh, I think I know what it is! Puppies!  
(Drusilla starts dancing around crazily, hugging everyone in the chorus. She pushes one man into the same tank Willow pushed the fat man in, for she thinks he killed her puppy since she couldn't find it.)  
Drusilla: Not nice to be mean to my puppy!   
Spike: (Completely ignoring Drusilla) So, what really happened?  
Angel: I killed Riley.  
Spike: Really?!?! Yeah! This calls for a celebration. Anyone want cookies?  
(The chorus cheers once more, and Spike hands out cookies. In the meantime, Oz walks over to Angel)  
Oz: Actually, I think you were supposed to kill me.  
Angel: Oh, really?  
Oz: Yeah, I think.  
Angel: Oh, sorry about that.  
Oz: Hey, no problem. Maybe we could catch up on this later.  
Angel: Ok, sounds alright to me.  
Oz: Cool. Me and the red head have unfinished business to attend to, so see ya later.  
Angel: Sure, no problem.  
Oz: Oh, hey Frank?  
Angel: Um, yeah?  
Oz: Could you kill me with a poisonous snake? I always wanted to have one as a pet growing up.  
Angel: Um, ok. Whatever floats your boat.  
Oz: Thanks, you're so cool. Come on Columbia.  
Willow: K. Hey Frank, maybe you can join us later.  
Angel: Oh, you can count on it Columbia.  
(Oz and Willow leave. He chuckles under his breath. He knows he screwed up the script, but really doesn't care anymore. The scoobies still don't realize who they really are, which is all he cares about)  
Angel: I'll have my fun, you can count on it. I don't need to follow a freakin script! Well, maybe just for the next part I'll follow it, but with a touch of my own style...  
(Spike is the only one who heard him)  
Spike: (Mutters to himself) Not if I get to her first!

Scene 14: Anya's attempt to trigger Giles' memory

__

Back in the narrator's office...

Giles: There are those that say that life is an illusion  
and that reality is but a figment of the  
imagination. If this is so, then Brad and Janet  
are quite safe ... however, the sudden  
departure of their host ...and his creation  
...into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite  
had left them feeling both   
apprehensive and uneasy. A feeling which grew   
as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate  
rooms. 

Anya: Come on Giles! I can't stand this! You aren't a narrator. You're Giles!  
Giles: I beg your pardon, but I must finish narrating before discussing this matter any further.

Anya: Listen, it's a spell! Willow's spell. Don't you remember?

Giles: Sorry, but all I know is that I'm a criminologist/narrator with almost no neck.

Anya: Giles, we went through this already. You have a neck! Come on, remember being a watcher? Buffy? The magic shop? I ran the cash register. I controlled the money.

Giles: It all sounds very nice...

(Anya cuts him off)

Anya: And I'm engaged to Xander and I'm also an ex-Demon.

Giles: WHAT! You were a demon?

Anya: Oh, yeah, long story. And remember when Buffy died?

(Giles just stares at her blankly. However, he starts to look really sad)

Anya: You remember?

Giles: Barely. I get this really sad feeling when I think about it.

Anya: Oh Giles, how can I make you see?  
(Anya just sits there thinking. She remembers Angel talking about how to trigger someone's memory)

Anya: (Mutters to herself) Spike remembers, Angel, well, Angelus remembers, Drusilla remembers... Maybe it's a evil creature thing.

(She thinks again)

Yeah, but there's a way to trigger a human's memory. Something about a traumatic experience, I think.

Giles: What on earth are you muttering about?

Anya: That's it! A traumatic experience. Hmmm, but what would be traumatic enough?

(She tries to think of something that would shock Giles. After a few minutes, she remembered the time when she and Giles thought they were engaged, and realizes what she has to do.)

(She grabs Giles by his neck and starts to kiss him passionately. He at first tries to pull away but then starts kissing her back)

Giles: Oh, Jenny.

Anya: (Pulls away very quickly) Jenny? It's me, Anya.

Giles: Anya? Oh my G-D! That was you?

Anya: Yeah, duh! Who's Jenny, anyway?

Giles: An old girlfriend. She taught at Sunnydale High School with me. G-d, how I loved her!

Anya: Oh, I think Xander told me about her. Didn't she die?

Giles: (Says in an angry tone) Angelus killed her.

Anya: (Says sincerely) Oh, I'm sorry.

Giles: It's not your fault. G-d, I can't believe I couldn't remember anything!

Anya: I'm so glad your back. Angelus is back, and so is Drusilla. He, Spike and Drusilla are the only ones who remember who they are!

Giles: Oh my G-d! They'll kill everyone.

Anya: And not just them. They want to eat all of the chorus.

Giles: How many are there?

Anya: I dunno. A lot?

Giles: Gee, thanks for all of your information.

Anya: Sorry, but I was too busy mopping about.

Giles: What are we going to do?

Anya: I tried to get out of here, but the door's locked.

Giles: Damn it! That bastard...

Anya: I know. Why don't you look through the books on the shelf? There's so many of them, and I'm sure you'll find one with spell reversals.

Giles: I doubt it.

Anya: Well, what else can we do?

Giles: No, you're right. You try to unlock the door.

Anya: Sure. Hey Giles?

Giles: Yes?

Anya: Do you think Spike is going to help us or Angelus?

Giles: Well, I don't know. He has no soul, you know. And, from what I understand, no chip.

Anya: Yeah, but still. I have a feeling he'll manage to surprise us all. Love makes you do funny things.

Giles: I don't know. I hope you're right, though. Say Anya, what part are we up to in the movie anyway?

Anya: Gee, I don't know. (Looks at T.V. screen. She jumps back in shock and disgust.)  
Oh no! Giles, whatever you do, don't look at the T.V.!

Giles: Oh no, what's wrong? (Thinks for a moment and remembers somewhat. Oh, that scene. (Giles starts to get really angry, and picks up a chair. He throws it at the T.V. He then starts to throw books and curse really loud.)

(Anya sits on the floor and a tear falls from her cheek)

Anya: (Whispers) Please, don't hurt my friends.

Scene 15: The bedroom

(While Anya and Giles were talking, Buffy and Xander were shown to their separate rooms by Willow and Drusilla.)  


(Buffy bumps into a sink while she walks in the room. She looks around very frightened and lays on the bed. )

(A little while later, there's a knock on the door.)  


Buffy: Huh! Who is it? Who's there?  
Angel: (Pretending to be Brad and chuckling under his breath) It's only me, Janet.  
Buffy: Oh, Brad darling, come in. (He climbs on her bed and starts kissing her)  
Oh! Brad Oh oh oh... Yes, my darling...but what if...  
Angel (Still pretending to be Brad): It's all right, Janet, everything's going  
to be alright.  
Buffy: Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh...Ah...(Pulls of his wig) ahh OHHH! Oh it's you!  
Angel: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice...  
Buffy: Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Brad?  
Angel: Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?  
Buffy: You tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never..never...  
Angel: Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? I think you really found it quite pleasurable.  
Buffy: Oh, stop...I'm in hell...Brad Brad!..(Shrieks really loud)Oh Brad!!  
Angel: Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you  
like...this!(Grabs her and spreads her legs)  
Buffy: Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame! Oh...I was saving myself...  
Angel: Yes, but I'm sure you're not SPENT yet...  
Buffy: Promise you won't tell Brad?  
Angel: (Chuckles) Cross my heart and hope to die...

(He begins to kiss her passionately and reaches for the back of her bra. He starts to unsnap it open)  
Buffy: No, stop, stop! This is wrong! I don't love you! 

Angel: Hey, that's not in the script!

Buffy: What?

Angel: Um, nothing. Listen bitch, I'm going to have you whether you like it or not, so just shut up and enjoy this. I know I will. (Chuckles evilly)

Buffy: No, no, stop! Go away! Please? (She starts to cry)

Angel: Tell you what. I won't use the whip... much(chuckles evilly)

Buffy: Ahhhhhhhh, help, help!

(At this point, Spike can hear faint screams in the background. He realizes that Angel must of found her, and starts to run as fast as his feet will carry him)

Angel: Listen my slayer! I've had enough of this crap. (He slaps her face really hard and gags her. He starts to laugh)

Never thought you'd be in this position, Buff? Well, I think this proves who's really the stronger one!

(At this point, Spike bursts the door open)  
Spike: Don't you dare touch her, you bastard!!!!!!!!!!!(He bangs Angel's head with the crowbar he swiped with all the strength he possessed.)

Spike: Come on Buffy, before he wakes up!  
(He grabs her by her waist and carries her out of the room)  
  
Scene 16: Remember, Buffy?

(Spike grabs Buffy by her waist and starts to run to the opposite side of the castle. He spots Drusilla, and dodges into a closet. He opens in slightly, only to see a bunch of dogs looking for him. He only leaves the door slightly open, so Buffy has enough room to breathe)  


Spike: Well, it looks like we're stuck here, luv.

Buffy: (In a groggy voice) Where, where am I?

Spike: In a closet that's in a haunted castle with a vampire.

Buffy: Oh. As long as it's nothing serious. (Dozes off for a second, but then shhots back up) (In a panicked voice) Wait, that is serious!

Spike: Relax, Buffy.

Buffy: Buffy, who's that?

Spike: You mean you still don't remember who you are?  
Buffy: Sure I do. I'm Janet Weiss and my fiancee is Brad Majors. We're getting married soon. (Thinks for a second. Is very upset) Or maybe he won't want to marry me because of what I did! Oh Brad!

Spike: Relax, you didn't do anything! (With a sly smile) Well, not yet.

Buffy: No, but I wanted to. I had feelings of lust. That's a deadly sin, you know.

Spike: (Rolls his eyes)

Buffy: What, it is!

(At this point, an imaginary tiny angel and devil sit on Spike's shoulders that only Spike can hear.) 

angel: Come on, she doesn't even no who she is! Now's not a good time. Don't take advantage of her!

Devil: Don't listen to him! You're a vampire! You're evil!

angel: Yeah, but you can change. You love her. Don't do something that she'll regret.

Devil: Come on, she's helpless! Now's the time!  
angel: No, maybe she'll be interested when she's back to her old self. You just have to wait and see.

Devil: After she called your relationship a freak show!

angel: (Ignoring devil) Remember how grateful she was when you didn't tell Glory about Dawn? Maybe she'll react the same way.

Devil: She won't even remember. Come on, she'll have no idea what happened.

(At this point, Anya glances at the semi broken T.V. in the narrator's office. She realizes it's working, and sees Spike and Buffy. Both the angel and Devil disappear)

Anya: (Screams at T.V.) Spike, thank G-d! Is Buffy ok?

Spike: Yeah, just a little shook up.

Buffy: Who's Buffy?

Anya: You are! She still doesn't remember who you are and who she is?

Spike: She still thinks she's Janet and that I'm Riff Raff, the Butler! (Jumps up to prove his point and bangs his on the shelf)

Spike: Ow! Bloody hell! I'm so sick of these injuries! Was Riff Raff a klutz?

Anya: No, I don't think so. (Thinks for a second) Wait, it makes sense.

Spike: What?

Anya: Angelus must have put a klutz spell on you. You know, for some fun revenge.

Spike: Damn him, the bastard!

Buffy: Hey, don't swear so much! Do you always do that?  
Anya: Yeah, it's his "shtick."

Buffy: Oh no, I'm hearing voices!

Spike: No, that's Anya. She's in another room. For some reason, we can hear her. Must be a hidden microphone or something so we can here the narrator.

Buffy: Oh. Hey, are you ok?  
Spike: Yeah, I'm fine. Why?

Buffy: Well, it looks like you banged your head pretty hard.

Spike: No, I'm ok.

Buffy: I don't know. Let me see, just to be safe. (She gently grabs his head and starts to stroke his hair. She then rips of a piece of her skirt and puts it on Spike's head.)  
Spike: No, don't. I don't know if I have enough willpower not to take advantage of you. Please, understand.

Buffy: (Says sadly) It's me, isn't it? It's because I'm not good enough, isn't it? 

Spike: No, not at all! You're the vampire slayer. I'm a vampire who's madly in love with you. Please stop, it's not safe.

Anya: (Thinks for a second) No, that's it!

Spike: What?

Anya: Buffy doesn't remember, because you saved her from Angelus before they could share a moment of intimacy.

Giles: (Butting in) But all you did was kiss me.

Anya: To a middle aged ex Librarian from Britain, a kiss is intimacy!

Spike: (Ignoring Anya) Buffy, you don't remember anything?

Buffy: No. 

Spike: (With a sly smile) Well, I guess I'll have to teach you, then.

Giles: Emotion, agitation or disturbance  
of the mind...Vehement or excited mental state. It is also a powerful and irrational master  
and from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their  
television monitor there seemed little doubt that  
Janet was, indeed, ... its slave.  
Anya: Where did that come from?

Giles: I don't know! I guess I'm still the narrator, whether I like it or not.

Anya: Wait, then Angel might still try to seduce my Xander!

(She gets really angry and her eyes burn the door down)

Giles: Oh my G-d!

Anya: Wow, I have my demon powers here! Xander, here I come!

(She runs out the door in a rage. Giles just sighs and starts looking through books, for he has to stay in the room, still being the narrator and all.)

__

In the meantime in Willow and Drusilla's room:

(Willow and Drusilla are sharing a room that has a T.V. that shows the closet Buffy and Spike are in. They're having a "sleepover" party)

Willow and Drusilla: [echo] Tell us about it, Janet.  
Drusilla: Miss Edith expects a picnic, but it's not her birthday!

Willow: Yeah, um sure. Say, do you mind if Eddie stops by later? We're going to have mad hot sex on the floor.

Drusilla: Sure. Whatever floats your boat.

Willow: Cool, thanks. Hey Dru, could you turn off the T.V.? I want to hear myself groaning when he comes.

Drusilla: And Miss Edith wants me to find her a puppy. I'm going to go find a puppy. Come on, Miss Edith! Maybe after we can have a tea party.

Willow: Sure, whatever floats your boat.

(Oz comes in in his leather jacket with his motorcycle and handcuffs)

Willow: Ohhhhh, foreplay! (She starts to tap dance, but falls on her ass, for Willow sucks at dancing)  
Willow: Owwwww!  
Oz: Relax, I brought an extra helmet. You can never be too careful, you know.

Willow: Oh Eddie, you're the best!

(She jumps him and they start kissing and groping passionately on the floor)

Meanwhile, back in the closet:

Buffy: So what you're saying is that I'm a strong slayer who kills vampires and demons except for you?

Spike: Yep.

Buffy: And I'm not engaged to Brad?

Spike: No, Anya's engaged to him. Well, Xander anyway.

Buffy: And you love me?

Spike: Yeah, pretty much.

Buffy: Do I love you?

Spike: (Thinks for a second) Well, only you can answer that.

Buffy: But I don't remember.  
Spike: Well, there's only one way to find out, luv. (He stroke her hair very gently and whispers in her ear.) Do you want to find out?  
Buffy: (Whispers back in his ear) Do you?

TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME  


Buffy: I was feeling done in, couldn't win.  
I've only ever kissed before.

I thought there's no use getting   
Into heavy petting  
It only leads to trouble  
And seat wetting.  
Now all I want to know is how to go.  
I've tasted blood and I want more.  
I'll put up no resistance  
I want to go the distance   
I've got an itch to scratch 

I need assistance.  
(Grabs his shoulders)  
Toucha toucha toucha touch me  
I want to be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  
Creature of the night.  
  
Then if anything grows, while you pose,  
I'll oil you up and rub you down.  
And that's just one small fraction   
of the main attraction   
You need a friendly hand (Grabs his hands) - I need action.  
Toucha toucha toucha touch me  
I want to be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  
Creature of the night.  
Toucha toucha toucha touch me, oh, I want to be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me, creature of the night.  
(Buffy hears voices in her head.)  
Spike: (In an amused voice) Creature of the night  
Xander: Creature of the night?  
Angel: Creature of the night.

Drusilla: Creature of the night.  
Oz: Creature of the night. 

Willow: Creature of the night.   
Spike: (In an aroused voice) Creature of the night.   
Buffy: Creature of the night.  


Scene 17: Anya to the Rescue!

(While Spike and Buffy are occupied in the closet, Drusilla in search of a puppy and Willow and Oz getting down and dirty, Anya breaks out of the narrator's room with her demon powers in search of Xander, before Angelus can get to him. Unfortunately for her, she's on the wrong side of the castle)

Angel: (Thinks to himself) That bastard! That was my moment of glory. I'll make him pay! I'll make them all pay! (Looks at copy of script) Ew, gross! Time to sleep with Xander. Come on, not cool! (Thinks to himself) Wait, that would be torture for Harris. Then again, that's torture for me too! (Sticks both of his hands out, like an imaginary scale). Torture Harris and myself or go search the castle for Spike. Choices! Wait, I know!

(Grabs the same spell book he used to make Spike a klutz) Hmmm, that works. A location spell. When I'm done with Harris, I'll find the bleached vampire and make him pay. I'm such a genius! (At this point, Drusilla walks down the hallway still looking for her puppy)

Drusilla: Angel, have you seen my puppy? It's small and furry!

Angel: No, sorry Dru. (Thinks for a second) Say, how would you like to play a little game?

Drusilla: Ok. If I win, do I get a puppy?

Angel: Yeah, sure, whatever. Now, the game is called look for the puppy.

Drusilla: Ohhhhhh, how do you play?

Angel: It's simple really. Find the puppy and lock whoever has it up in chains.

Drusilla: Ooooooooo, yeah! The King of cups expects a party, but it's not his birthday.

Angel: Um, yeah, sure. So, get to it!

Drusilla: Ok!

(She skips off in search of her puppy. Angel rolls his eyes as he searches for the spell book.)  
Angel: Locatus, locotus.

Ok, the location spell is ready. Now, how do you make a puppy? (Searches the book) What do you know? I can't believe they have a spell on puppies! 

Pufus, pupus, poupus

There, that will occupy Dru for awhile. Now, on to torture Xander.

(Walks down the hall and finds the bedroom. He puts on a blond wig and changes his voice)

Just remember, it's for a greater cause.

(He knocks on the bedroom door)

Angel: (Pretending to be Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. He'll destroy us.  
Xander: Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning.  
Angel (Pretending to be Janet): Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective.  
Xander: Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU!  
Angel: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice...  
Xander: Why YOU! what have you done with Janet?   
Angel: Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?   
Xander: You tricked me, I wouldn't have...never never...never...  
Angel: Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? (yes it is!) Not even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it Oh... so soft...  
Xander: Stop it...stop it...oh Janet... JANET!  
Angel: Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now, do you want her to see you...  
like...this.  
Xander: Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame! I thought it was the real thing!   
Angel: Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no  
crime in giving yourself over to pleasure. We've wasted so  
much time already. Janet needn't know, I won't tell.  
Xander: Well, promise you won't tell...  
Angel: On my mother's grave

(At this point, Anya bursts through the door in pure furry)

Anya: Get away from my man, you horny bastard!

Angel: (Chuckles) And what are you gonna do about it?

(She sets Angel's pants on fire with her laser eyes and uses one of her old spells to give him hives) [yes, she has heat vision in my story!]

Angel: Ahhhhhhhhh! Fire! Hives! You bitch! (he runs out of the room and rushes to the bathroom, where he can put himself out)

Xander: Who are you?

Anya: Oh baby, you don't remember? (She grabs him and starts kissing him. However, she accidently looks at Xander with her heat vison and sets Xander's hair on fire) 

Anya: Hmmm, something spells like it's burning....

Xander: That would be my head! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Anya: Oh, oops! (She puts his head out with a fire blanket) [in my story, she happens to have a fire blanket with her, okay!]

Xander: Oh my G-d, you're a, a...

Anya: Demon! Well, I'm actually an ex demon, but for some strange reason, I have my powers back.

Xander: Get away from me, you evil, um, evil, um.... thing, you!

Anya: Oh brother, that's even more pathetic then your usual insults. Come on, I'm horny. Let's have sex.

Xander: But what about Janet?

Anya: Screw Janet. (Thinks for a second) No, not literally! She's sleeping with the butler right now! Besides, you really love me and want to have sex with me! You just don't realize it.

(She grabs Xander, and they have mad hot sex on the floor for the next 3 hours)

Scene 18: Angel's revenge.

(Angel ran to the closet bathroom and runs the bath water. He removes the pants and soaks them in the water.)

Angel: Damn that bitch! I'll get my revenge on everyone once and for all! No demon, slayer or blond vampire will stop me!

(He hears the sound of "groans" coming from Xander's room.)

Well, I guess I don't have to worry about the ex demon or Xander.

(The groans get louder and louder)

Wow, that ex demon must be a tiger in the sack! Now, how do I get rid of these hives?

(Looks in the spell book. He gets very frustrated)

They have a spell on puppies, but none on hives! What kind of a book is this? (Looks at book)

Book of puppies, location and klutz spells. Well, that explains a lot! Now, I still need to get rid of these hives! (Looks in bathroom drawer and finds anti hives cream)

How convenient!

(Drusilla is walking outside of the hall when she finds the puppy)

Drusilla: Ooooooooo, a puppy! Wait until I show Columbia!

(As she walks, she bumps into Angel)

Drusilla: Look daddy, a puppy!

Angel: That's very nice. Now, go back to the room you share with the red head and play tea party. I'll deal with Willow and Oz some other time. Right now, I have to get some revenge on someone else.

Drusilla: Ooooooooooooo. Say dad, can I turn my puppy?

Angel: No, I don't believe puppies can become vampires.

Drusilla: O, poo! How about Miss Edith?

Angel: No, that doesn't work with dolls either.

Drusilla: Oh, that's not fair.

Angel: Tell you what. Go eat some of the chorus. You can turn Willow, if you want.

Drusilla: Oooooo, ok!

(She skips down the hallway in search of the chorus)

Angel: Cute, but completely insane. Now, to find Spike. (He looks at the spell book. His location spell worked and it says where Spike and Buffy are.

Ah ha, the closet! Time for a little torture! (Grabs a sharp knife) Hopefully, she won't have her powers, but I'll beat her either way!

(He roams the hallway looking inside all of the closets.)

__

In the meantime, back in the closet:

Buffy: Oh Spike, don't stop!

Spike: Don't worry, I never want to.

(At this point, Buffy is beginning to remember, but still doesn't know how she feels about the vampire. All she knew is that she felt safe with him.)

Spike: Oh Buffy, please say you love me

Buffy: I, um....

(Angel bursts the door open in a rage and grabs Buffy by her neck. He holds the knife to her throat.)

Buffy: No, not you! (She screams)

Spike: Let her go!  
Angel: Well, I'm guessing she doesn't have her slayer powers.

Buffy: Please let me go. Please! (She begins to cry)  
Angel: And allow you to miss out on all the fun I have planned for us.

(Spike is furious and changes into his vampire face)

Buffy: Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Angel: Aw, you scared the poor little slayer. Well, don't bother.

Buffy: Slayer? Wait, I think I remember.....

Angel: That a girl.

Buffy: Oh my G-d, Angelus! (She kicks him in the groin, and hurts her foot. Angel laughs)  
Angel: Poor Buffy, I guess Janet wouldn't have slayer powers, would she?

Buffy: You'll never get away with this!

Angel: (Strokes her hair) Don't worry, I will!

Spike: Get the fuck away from her!  
Angel: Oh, I don't think so. See, if you even attempt to rescue her, this knife goes into her neck.

Buffy: Don't worry about me, Spike. Go find the rest of the gang. Hopefully, they'll remember.

(Angel laughs and kicks Spike really hard into the closet. He's knocked out unconscious.)

Angel: No, no, no! I don't think so. Slayer, you and me are going to have a lot of fun! 

(He bites into her neck, and drinks enough blood to make her unconscious for a little while) 

****

At this point of the story, the reader can choose to read the Buffy/Angel shipper version or the Buffy/Spike shipper version. I'll post them whenever I get the chance. If you want, read both! Actually, please do read them both. Tell me which one you like better. PLEASE REVIEW! Even if you've reviewed part of my story before, review it again. Thanks.

  



	2. Scenes 19-23

Buffy And Spike's Ending:  
  
Ok, I lied. I don't have time to write 2 endings, and I've written more of this one. Sorry, midterms. That's why I haven't updated since, well, forever. Please continue to review. Also, if you know of any site that would publish my story, please let me know. Not many people check out my story anymore, cause it's old.  
  
By the way, I've been calling Angelus Angel. For the rest of the story, I'll call him by the right name.  
  
1 Scene 19: For All that is Unholy and Gross  
  
(Angelus has taken Buffy to the dungeon and left Spike in the closet unconscious. In the meantime, Anya and Xander/Willow and Oz are shagging, Giles is looking up spells and Drusilla is playing tea party with Miss Edith and her puppy.)  
  
Drusilla: There, there, Miss Edith. Here's a nice cup of tea. (Looks at her puppy) What's that you said, puppy? You want a name? (Thinks for a second) I know, I'll name you puppy!  
  
(The puppy starts to growl. Drusilla thinks he's playing, but he bites her finger)  
  
Drusilla: Ow! That hurt, puppy. You're a very naughty puppy. No cupcakes for you.  
  
(All of a sudden, she becomes very dizzy and falls on the floor. She covers her ears, for the voices in her head have become unbearably loud [like the fans at an NSYNC concert])  
  
Drusilla: So many voices, and they're so mean to me. Why do you torment me?  
  
(She looks at the puppy. He has just bitten off Miss Edith's head)  
  
Drusilla: PUPPY EVIL! PUPPY PUT VOICES IN MUMMY'S HEAD! PUPPY KILLED MISS EDITH!  
  
(She grabs the puppy and rips off its head. However, since Angelus used a spell to create it, the head grew right back.)  
  
Drusilla: Ahhhhhhhh, demon puppy!  
  
(The puppy started licking her hand, not even realizing she had just ripped off its head.)  
  
Drusilla: The voices, I can still hear them! They're singing to me. Saying mean things to mummy! Mummy wants the voices to stop!  
  
(All of a sudden the voices stop. The puppy has just found a nice teddy bear to keep him busy)  
  
Drusilla: Puppy is evil!!! Puppy is singing to me lies. Puppy is EVIL!  
  
(The puppy stops chewing on the bear and the voices start again)  
  
Drusilla: (In a very whiny voice) No, puppy, it's not true. You're lying! (Gets very angry) I'm his princess! He loves me!  
  
(The voices get even louder)  
  
Drusilla: I'm going to tell daddy you're saying mean things to mummy.  
  
(The puppy growls)  
  
Drusilla: Daddy loves me, too!  
  
(She opens the window and throws the puppy outside. There is a loud thump, and then silence)  
  
Drusilla: Now I have no puppy or Miss Edith! (She starts to cry) Or Spikey or Daddy.  
  
Back in the narrator's room:  
  
(There is a huge number of books spread all over the desk. There are papers everywhere.)  
  
Giles: (Wiping the sweat off his face) Where on earth am I going to find a spell book inside the office of a criminalogist? The only thing this is doing is giving me paper cuts!  
  
(He drops a very heavy book on his foot)  
  
Giles: Ow! Damn it, what the bloody hell are we going to do?  
  
(He realizes that he's been talking to himself, for Anya left hours ago to "save Xander"  
  
Giles: Oh great, I'm talking to myself in the narrator's office from the movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show because the ex demon regained her powers and left the office to go rescue her fiancée who was being seduced by a vampire in fishnets who wants to torture and kill us all!  
  
(Gasps for breath)  
  
Giles: Great, now I'm rambling! Things just couldn't get any weirder!  
  
(At this point, he hears a faint cry in the hallway. Not knowing it's Drusilla, he calls to her)  
  
Giles: Buffy, is that you?(No response) Buffy, it's Giles. I'm in the narrator's office.  
  
Drusilla: (Crying as she speaks) The puppy said mean things, said that Spikey and Daddy didn't love me.  
  
Giles: Oh my g-d, it's Drusilla. Maybe I'm hallucinating. (He looks at her crying in the hallway and almost feels sorry for her.)  
  
Giles: Little girl, you must stop crying.  
  
(She continues to cry)  
  
Giles: Come on, please stop! I'm no good when people (thinks for a second) or in this case vampires cry! (Begins to tear) It makes me sad and, and…  
  
(He begins to cry, too. Drusilla sees him crying and how stupid he looks doing so, and begins to laugh hysterically)  
  
Giles: (Wiping away a tear on his face) What, what's so amusing?  
  
Drusilla: The funny old man is crying like a little baby!  
  
(Giles finds her comment rather amusing, but refuses to admit it. Instead, he pretends to be offended)  
  
Giles: I beg your pardon, but I was not crying like an infant! (Blushes) More like a little girl.  
  
(Drusilla laughs again, and seems to be cheered up. She walks to the barrier that is keeping Giles in the narrator's office)  
  
Drusilla: Do you want to go play tea party, funny little man?  
  
Giles: (Looks at her like she's insane) [well, she is insane, but you know what I mean!] No, I should think not! A grown man doesn't play tea party!  
  
(Drusilla begins to cry again. Giles once again feels tears coming on. He can't understand why he cried whenever she did.)  
  
Drusilla: (Crying as she says it) If you don't play with me, I'll cry and cry and the puppy will continue to say mean things to me!  
  
Giles: (Thinks to himself) Hmmm, now I'm in a predicament. Do I stay here doing absolutely nothing and listen to that dreadful (sniffle) noise (cry a little) or, do I go with the insane vampire and relive the inner child inside me? (Thinks for a minute)  
  
Giles: Can you remove the vortex keeping me in here? I can't get out to play tea party trapped in here, now can I? (smiles at her)  
  
Drusilla: Yeah, we're going to have a tea party! (Starts dancing around) And this time, no mean puppy!  
  
Giles; Yes yes, just get me out?  
  
(Drusilla nods her head and stares at the door. She takes the vortex apart in her my piece by piece until Giles is free.)  
  
(Giles runs out of the room and begins to run down the hall. However, Drusilla doesn't know that he's running away)  
  
Drusilla: The tea party's over here, silly! (she points to the door behind her) If you don't play, I'll cry and cry and…  
  
Giles: Oh no, I just got confused. Um, I'm here.  
  
Drusilla: Yeah! Now, I'll wear the white hat with the purple dress and you can wear the white hat with the pink dress.  
  
Giles: What! I'm not wearing a dress!  
  
Drusilla: But if you don't, I'll cry and cry and…  
  
(Giles cuts her off)  
  
Giles: Um, I was just kidding. Besides, pink is my favorite color anyway.  
  
Drusilla: Ok, then let's go play!  
  
Giles: (Thinks to himself) Well, Angelus was wearing fishnets, so I guess I could wear a dress. I just hope it doesn't make me look fat!  
  
Scene 20: Closets, demons and handcuffs.  
  
(While Giles and Drusilla are off playing tea party, Spike begins to groan. His head was killing him. All he can remember is Angelus kicking him really hard and Buffy screaming).  
  
Spike: Oh g-d, Buffy! (Screams) Buffy!  
  
(He sees a trail of blood exiting the closet. He knows whose blood it is, and begins licking the floor.)  
  
Spike: Buffy, g-d I can't stand it! I'm cursed! In love with a slayer! (A tear falls from his eye) This is sick! Vampires don't cry!  
  
(All of a sudden, the song Big Girls Don't Cry plays in the background)  
  
Big vampires, they don't cry, ie, ie.  
  
They don't cry.  
  
Big vampires, they don't cry.  
  
Spike: Bloody hell, they don't! You know what? I feel better. But where the hell did that music come from?  
  
(Sees a radio in the closet)  
  
Spike: How the hell did that get her? Never mind, I won't even ask. Say, might as well not let good blood go to waste.  
  
(Smells the blood and realizes that it's the blood of someone alive.) [dead blood smells different in my story, ok?!?!]  
  
Spike: Wait, she's still alive. At least, I think she is. No, I know she is! Angelus wouldn't kill her, not right away. He'd do something worse, much worse! (Thinks for a moment.)  
  
G-d, when I'm around her, I act so whipped and helpless. I'm nothing more than the shell of a man. (Thinks again for a minute) But without her, I can't go on. I'll find her and save her, or die trying! Besides, I'll make sure things are a little different this time!  
  
(Starts sniffing the blood and following the trail. About halfway to the dungeon, he hears odd grunting sounds coming from one of the bedrooms. Praying to g-d it's not what he thinks, he kicks the door down to find Anya and Xander on the floor "very into" what they're doing.) [no pun intended]  
  
Spike: Oh, this was so something I didn't want to see. (Anya and Xander look up at him.)  
  
But this is actually a relief to me, which is the sad thing.  
  
(Xander frantically looks for his pants and puts the pillow on himself)  
  
Xander: G-d Spike, could you have any worse timing?  
  
Spike: Yeah, I could have come in when you were on top.  
  
Xander: Ok, good point.  
  
Spike: Hey wait, you remember me?  
  
Xander: Um, yeah, what's there not to remember? The annoying smirk, the awful spell of cigarettes, the twisted crush, the…  
  
Spike: Ok, get the point!  
  
Anya: Yeah, he remembers who he is, now that we had mad hot sex like monkeys on the floor.  
  
Spike: Ok, disturbing visual. Anya, we've got to find Buffy!  
  
Anya: Buffy, oh my g-d, what happened?  
  
Spike: One word.  
  
Xander: Please say it's puppies!  
  
Spike; No, you idiot! Angelus! What's the matter with him? He's acting dumber than usual, and that's saying a lot!  
  
Anya: Oh, I guess he doesn't remember being sucked into Rocky Horror and becoming Brad.  
  
Xander: Being sucked into what!?!  
  
Spike: Oh, she'll tell you later. No time to explain. Gotta go find Buffy!  
  
Anya: Ok!  
  
(She gets up from under the covers butt naked. Xander groans)  
  
Xander: Anya, what have I told you about going around naked in front of guys that aren't me?  
  
Anya: Oh, oops, I forgot.  
  
Spike: (Grins wickedly) Oh, I didn't mind.  
  
Xander: No way Anya, go put on some clothes.  
  
(she starts to get up again)  
  
Xander: When Spike leaves!  
  
Spike: Ok, I get the picture. When you're ready, follow the trail of blood.  
  
Xander: The trail of what?  
  
Spike: Oh, just look around for me. Oh, and Xander?  
  
Xander: Yeah?  
  
Spike: Do us all a favor and put your clothes on as well.  
  
(He leaves the room. Anya gets up and looks for an outfit. However the clothes that she was wearing are ripped and the only thing she sees is a cheerleader outfit. She shrugs her shoulders and puts it on. Xander struggles to get up, but cannot)  
  
Anya: Why aren't you getting dressed, Xander?  
  
Xander: Well, it's a funny story, now that you mention it. But one I'm sure you'd rather me not get into right now, I'm sure.  
  
Anya: No please, do tell.  
  
(Xander groans)  
  
Xander; Ok, remember how you had all these "toys" in your bag great for foreplay?  
  
Anya: Yeah, of course. Why?  
  
Xander: Well, I kind of tried out the handcuffs and lost the key.  
  
Anya: Oh, great!  
  
Xander: Did I mention how incredible you look in that cheerleader outfit?  
  
Anya: No, but please do go on!  
  
Xander: Yeah, you should have been a cheerleader. You look way better than Corde…  
  
(Anya glares at him and activates her heat vision. She sets the pillow and the handcuffs on fire)  
  
Xander: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Anya: Oh, oops! Maybe I should do what Cordeila would do.  
  
(Grabs some pomp poms and kicks her legs up really high)  
  
2-4-6-8- who do we appreachiate?  
  
Xander: Fire, fire, help, I'm on fire!  
  
Anya: Oh, fine. (She grabs her fire blanket that she conveniently carries with her and puts it out. The handcuffs break off the bedpost.)  
  
Xander: Geese, I'm glad that you love me. I'd hate to be the guy you hate!  
  
Anya: Sorry Xander, next time I'll warn you when I'm angry and want to set you on fire.  
  
Xander: Ok, thanks.  
  
(Xander grabs a pair of pants and a tee shirt and they start to follow the trail of blood that Spike had told them about)  
  
Scene 21: Wise Up, Buffy Summers.  
  
( Meanwhile Angelus has taken Buffy to the dungeon and locked her up in chains. She is still unconscious from the loss of blood and is dreaming.)  
  
Buffy: Why did you leave me? Why couldn't you have just stayed? Seeing you without being able to love you was bad enough, but living without you is hell.  
  
Angel: Buffy, you know what will happen if…  
  
Buffy: If we what? Sleep together? What will happen to me if I never see you again? I'll die one day having reason to live, no reason to go on…  
  
Angel: Don't go there, Buffy. You'll die surrounded by friends who love you.  
  
Buffy: And what if that's not good enough for me?  
  
Angel: Don't be stupid, Buffy. You're acting like a child.  
  
Buffy: So, since you're over 200 years old, that makes me a child?  
  
Angel: Don't put words in my mouth.  
  
Buffy: But I'm not. Sorry if missing you is childish, but I guess you don't have that problem.  
  
Angel: Buffy, shut up! You don't think I miss you? More than you know, believe me. You're all I think about! You're the only thing I've ever loved.  
  
Buffy: Then why can't you stay with me? We know what will happen if we sleep together, so we'll be careful and just hang out.  
  
Angel: Don't be foolish! We've had this conversation before. We'll never just be friends.  
  
Buffy: Well that's a risk I'm willing to take.  
  
Angel: Are you?  
  
(His face begins to transform and his eyes begin to glow. Everything becomes dark.)  
  
Buffy: Where, where are you?  
  
Angelus: Right here, lover.  
  
(He is holding a knife and puts it by her neck)  
  
Angelus: Don't you ever learn?  
  
(He places the knife on her neck and presses gently)  
  
Angelus: Feel free to scream.  
  
(At this point, Buffy wakes up from her dream clutching her neck and screaming to find herself in chains in a dungeon)  
  
Angelus: Have any pleasant dreams, slayer?  
  
Buffy: Where the hell are we?  
  
Angelus: Long story, but one I'll have plenty of time to share with you.  
  
(Buffy starts to struggle and tries to break the chains on her arms. However, it's a useless struggle)  
  
Angelus: Notice anything different about yourself?  
  
Buffy: Well, I'm wearing a really ugly dress (looks down at herself and sees the bra and ripped half slip) Oh my g-d, you sick bastard!  
  
Angelus: Oh, I wish I could claim credit for it, but it wasn't me. I was talking about something else. (He slaps her really hard on her face, and she kicks him in his groin. She screams because of the pain.)  
  
Angelus: (Sarcastically) Ow, that hurts. (Chuckling) Come on Buf, is that the best you've got? We went through this situation already.  
  
Buffy: My slayer powers, they're…  
  
Angelus: Gone. Janet wouldn't have slayer powers, would she?  
  
Buffy: Janet? Isn't that the girl from… (pauses for a second and then remembers) Oh no, that means, Willow's spell!  
  
Angelus: Let's give the girl a prize!  
  
Buffy: But you seem to have your vampire powers.  
  
Angelus: Frank N Furter is the kind of guy who would have them. So would the butler.  
  
Buffy: So, I'm helpless and you're all powerful is what you're saying.  
  
Angelus: Yeah, and it would be a shame of someone to take advantage of you in your situation. Poor Buffy, so vulnerable. (He gently strokes her hair)  
  
Buffy: There's just one thing you seem to be forgetting.(Grabs his arm and shoves it off of her) I may not have my slayer powers, but I still have my attitude. Janet may be helpless and so may I, but I'm not afraid. Do your worst. Kill me. What do I care? If you're so pathetic that you need me chained up without slayer powers to kill me, then you're the helpless one.  
  
Angelus: (Chuckles) Oh contraire, ma chere.  
  
Buffy: I've died twice, what's one more time?  
  
Angelus: Who said anything about killing you? I'm going to torture you! You're going to have to beg me to die.  
  
Buffy: (Sarcatically) Oh, am I? Say by the way, nice fishnets.  
  
Angelus: Nice half slip. Do you even remember how it happened?  
  
Buffy: Well, you one day felt feminine and went to the ladies' section of a department store…  
  
Angelus: No, not the fishnets! Why do you think you're half slip is ripped?  
  
Buffy: Um, because, um…(remembers what happened in the closet) Oh g-d, Spike!  
  
Angelus: (Begins to crack up and make fun of Buffy)  
  
Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch me  
  
Ohhh, I wanna be dirty  
  
(As he sings, he touches his chest and starts to moan)  
  
Ohhh, don't stop, don't stop!  
  
(Buffy glares at him. Her face is beet red.)  
  
Buffy: That bastard! He knew I was vunerable! To think I almost trusted him. G-d!  
  
Angelus: Yeah, after he barged in right when I had the whip!  
  
(Buffy glares at Angelus)  
  
Angelus: You see, you didn't play by my rules. I wasn't planning on sharing, but he just had to mess with my property.  
  
Buffy: (Outraged) Your property!  
  
Angelus: Yeah, I know. But don't worry, I got to you long before he did in the real world.  
  
(Buffy kicks him again and screams)  
  
Angelus: (Chuckling) Buffy, you sure do have a lot to learn.  
  
WISE UP BUFFY SUMMERS  
  
(He's about to sing the song Wise up when he realizes he has to change the words since they need to rhyme with Summers instead. He laughs, for it doesn't really matter if he messes up)  
  
Angelus:  
  
I've told you once, and, um, and that was a bummer.  
  
You better wise up, Buffy Summers.  
  
Your apple pie, it tastes like a, a um (can't think of a word) um, like a drummer.  
  
You better wise up, Buffy Summers.  
  
(By this time, Buffy is laughing so hard that she's crying)  
  
Angelus: Hey, you find this funny?  
  
Buffy: Yes! You even make Spike sound poetic!  
  
Angelus: Maybe, but I'm a hell of a lot better in the sack, as you'll soon find out.  
  
(He grabs her head and whispers in her ear)  
  
And a whole lot rougher.  
  
(Angelus grabs Buffy's head and starts to kiss her. He then rips her bra of and slaps her.)  
  
Angelus: Don't worry, this will be fun. (He grabs the whip and rubber gloves)  
  
By the way, feel free to moan and scream.  
  
2 Scene 22: What happened to Willow and Oz?  
  
Drusilla and Giles enter the room to play tea party where Willow and Oz are having sex.  
  
Willow and Oz: (Scream together) Giles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Giles: Oh my! (Puts hands over his eyes and turns beet red) Um, I'll turn around while you go put some clothes on.  
  
Drusilla: See what you've done, you've made him turn a funny color. Now the cupcakes won't tell me where Miss Edith put the napkins. (Starts to laugh) And what pretty napkins they are!  
  
Oz: Um, yeah.  
  
Willow: Oh goddess, it's Drusilla!  
  
Oz: Hey, I'm wearing leather!  
  
Willow: And Giles, what are you wearing?  
  
Giles: What do you think it is? A dress, Willow, a dress!  
  
Willow: Well, I like the color.  
  
Oz: Yeah, pink definitely suits you. I've always been a purple dress fan myself.  
  
Giles: Oh would you two shut up?  
  
Willow: Oh, sorry.  
  
Drusilla: Would you like to play tea party with us? Miss Edith will tell me where the napkins are if you do. Than, we can play hide and seek.  
  
Willow: And if we refuse?  
  
Drusilla: Than Miss Edith will get very angry and may bite you.  
  
Willow: Well, under those choices…  
  
Oz: Who's up for some tea? I know I am!  
  
Giles: Ok. But Drusilla, there's just one thing we need.  
  
Drusilla: The flowered tablecloth?  
  
Giles: Um, no.  
  
Drusilla: Than what?  
  
Giles: The blindfold.  
  
Drusilla: Ooooooooo, are going to play pin the tail on the donkey?  
  
Giles: Um no. This game is called find the golden puppy.  
  
Drusilla: Ooooooooo, does it sparkle?  
  
Giles: Um, yes.  
  
Drusilla: How do you play?  
  
Giles: It's very simple. You must find the golden key while you are blindfolded. The blindfold must never come off. When you find the key, you must remain blindfolded and come back here. Then you'll receive a special prize.  
  
Drusilla: Oooooooo, what?  
  
Giles: Um… that's a good question. Um…  
  
Willow: A lollipop. Yes, a rainbow lollipop.  
  
Giles; Yes, better get started.  
  
Drusilla: Oooooooo, this sounds like so much fun! I feel like floating.  
  
Giles: Um, yeah. Well, better get started. (Rips off a piece of her tablecloth when she isn't looking.)  
  
Here's a blindfold. Remember, don't take it off. Ready, set, go!  
  
(Drusilla skips out of the room and bangs into a wall)  
  
Drusilla: Ow! That wasn't nice. No cookies for you.  
  
Giles: Whew!  
  
Willow: Wow Giles, I never knew how resourceful you were.  
  
Oz: Yeah, that was cool.  
  
Giles: Do you guys remember who you are and what happened?  
  
Willow: Who we are, yes. What happened, no.  
  
Giles: I'll explain everything. Then we'll form some sort of plan. We may be Buffy's only hope.  
  
Willow: Oh my!  
  
Oz: Hey, if we die, can it be by snakes?  
  
Willow: Oz, shut up!  
  
Scene 22: Kill him, not me. Kill me, not him.  
  
(The trail of blood has lead Spike to the door of the dungeon. He hears screams coming from the other side of the door.)  
  
Buffy: Help, help!  
  
Angelus: Ha, ha! No one can hear you and no one will save you!  
  
Spike: (Thinks to himself) Boy, they sound like they're from one of those old, corny black and white movies. Pretty soon I'll be hearing the sound of a train coming to run her over. Wouldn't surprise me knowing Angelus. (Chuckles) Feel like I should be wearing a big goofy cowboy hat with some spurs.  
  
Buffy: Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!  
  
Spike: Oh, Bloody hell! I don't even have a plan.  
  
Angelus: Baby, relax. You may even enjoy yourself. (Loud, evil chuckle).  
  
Spike: Hey! He's not doing what I think he is, is he. (Listens again). Good grief, he is! Lucky bloke. Wait, what did I just say? That was evil, wasn't it? That means, I'm cured! Screw Buffy! (He marches away and bangs into the wall. He falls on the floor and has managed to knock himself unconscious.)  
  
(Angelus exits the dungeon for some "supplies")  
  
Angelus: Don't worry Buf, just going for some supplies. You know, for some fun. Hmmm, wonder where we keep the matches?  
  
(Trips over Spike's limp body and falls on his ass.)  
  
Angelus: Damn it! That was a new pair of fishnets, too!  
  
(Looks at the floor and sees who it is.)  
  
Angelus: Spike, you always did have wonderful timing. (Chuckles) This is going to be so much fun. Tried to be the hero, Spike? Pathetic! Who do you think you are, superman?  
  
(Thinks for a second) Hey, that's not a bad idea! I'll save the matches for later. Now for some embarrassing torture.  
  
(An hour later, Spike finds himself chained up. Guess where? The dungeon! Dude, you guys are so smart! However, he looks a little different….)  
  
Spike: (groans)  
  
Angelus: Say Spikey, you're up. That's great, cause I was getting bored with tic-tac-toe.  
  
(Glances at Buffy. Her stomach is covered in 15 little tic-tac-toe boards made from her blood and Angelus' knife.)  
  
Spike: What the fuck did you do to her, you bastard?  
  
Angelus: (Chuckles) Hey, no use for language. Say, love the costume.  
  
Spike: What the hell are you talking about?  
  
(Looks down and sees he's wearing red boots, blue tights and a red cape. He has a giant S on his chest.)  
  
G-d Angelus, are you retared or something. What the fuck is you bleedin problem, anyway?  
  
Angelus: Someone's a little moody. I'm hear to help you, you idiot!  
  
Spike: Yeah, and I'm the tooth fairy!  
  
Angelus: Spike, don't be stupid. You think you're superman, here to save the world, but you're not even close! YOU'RE A BAD GUY!  
  
Spike: Duh, I'm the big bad. You've just stated the obvious.  
  
Angelus: No Spike, Buffy has made you go soft. Like, um, like…….  
  
Spike: A soft thing?  
  
Angelus: Yeah, like that!  
  
Buffy: Maybe a fluffy marsh mellow!  
  
Spike and Angelus: (together) Shut up, slayer!  
  
Angelus: Now, where were we?  
  
Spike: You were telling me how I was a bad guy and my love for the slayer was wrong and stuff.  
  
Angelus: Oh, right. Thanks.  
  
Spike: No prob.  
  
Angelus: Say, whatever happened to the friendship we had?  
  
Spike: We never had one, remember? Even when we were hunting with each other, we hated each other.  
  
Angelus: Oh yeah. (He punches Spike really hard.)  
  
Spike: Hey, what was that for?  
  
Angelus: I dunno. It just felt so right.  
  
(Spike tries to put the middle finger up at Angelus, but find that his handcuffs prevent him from doing so, so he sticks out his tounge instead.)  
  
Angelus: Real mature, Spike.  
  
(Walks to the other side of the room where Buffy is.)  
  
Angelus: Hey slayer, how you holding up?  
  
Buffy: Why do you care?  
  
Angelus: Oh Buffy, I'm hurt. I wanted to make sure you were suffering.  
  
Buffy: Gee, I'm touched.  
  
Angelus: Someone's PMSing. Which is a good thing. Blood and all…  
  
Buffy: Ewww!  
  
Angelus: Oh, that doesn't gross you out. Kind of makes you horny, actually.  
  
Buffy: What are you talking about?  
  
Angelus: Buffy, you're so stupid and selfish, it's sickening! You think the whole world revolves around its slayer.  
  
Buffy: Um, no, I never said that. And I don't care what you say, cause it's not true!  
  
Angelus: But it is! I think the reason you're denying it is because it is. You made me into a pathetic puppy and whipped Spike. And you know what? I know your secret.  
  
Buffy: What?  
  
Angelus: You're in love with Spike. (Laughs hystericaslly) Not me anymore. Not captain crunch.  
  
Buffy: Riley!  
  
Angelus: Whatever. But Spike! It's pathetic but funny at the same time. And that's why you're such a bitch to him. You want him to come to you. You'd never go to him.  
  
Buffy: You don't know what you're talking about.  
  
Angelus: Oh but I do. I'm going to give you the choice you thought Spike would have.  
  
Buffy: What?  
  
Angelus: I'll kill him, or I'll kill you.  
  
Buffy: Ha, that's an easy one. I should have staked him years ago. He has no soul. He's evil.  
  
Angelus: But you haven't answered the question.  
  
Buffy: (Bends her head and stares at the floor. Her face is beet red. She mumbles her answer)  
  
Angelus: (Obviously has heard her and knows her answer, but wants to torture her by making her repeat it)  
  
Angelus: What? What was that, Buffy?  
  
Buffy: (Whispers) Kill me.  
  
Angelus: What? Say it a little louder?  
  
Buffy: (In a regular voice tone) Kill me.  
  
Angelus: Say it loud enough so poor little Spike can hear. (Takes knife and scratches it on her neck gently.)  
  
Buffy: (Screams) Kill me!  
  
Angelus: See, told you I'd make you beg for it!  
  
3 Scene 23: Have No Fear, the Cheerleader's Here!  
  
(Meanwhile, Anya and Xander have finally gotten dressed and are trying to find the trail of blood Spike told them about. Xander is carrying a map.)  
  
Anya: Okay Xander, I'm lost. Where are we?  
  
Xander: Oh that's easy. We're in lower Manhattan.  
  
Anya: Huh?  
  
Xander: Oh, ooops! Wrong map.  
  
(Blushes and throws the map on the ground)  
  
Anya: There is no map of the castle, you idiot!  
  
Xander: What?  
  
Anya: Never mind, Xander. Good thing I'm not marrying you because of your brains.  
  
Xander: Hey, I find that offensive! (Pauses for a moment) Say, what are you marrying me for, then?  
  
Anya: Because I love you. Also for the hot monkey sex.  
  
Xander: Ok, that's good, I think. Well, we're still lost, right?  
  
Anya: I can't find the freakin trail of blood! Anyway, that's gross.  
  
Xander: Well, we've dealt with gross before.  
  
Anya: Yeah, but it's just not fair. For once, we were screwing with no strings attached, no time limits, no rules. But once again, something's wrong with Buffy or Buffy's in danger or we need to help Buffy. Blah, blah, blah.  
  
Xander: Anya, she's your friend.  
  
Anya: No, she's your friend! You think I don't know? You think I don't realize?  
  
Xander: Realize what?  
  
Anya: You still love her!  
  
Xander: What? No! What?  
  
Anya: Don't play stupid.  
  
Xander: Who's playing? Anya, I had a crush on her a long time ago in high school. Way over it. I only love her as a friend. I'm in love with you, Anya. You're the demon of my dreams.  
  
Anya: (Teary eyed) Really?  
  
Xander: Really. And don't worry. You're a part of the gang and Buffy does like you. And even if she didn't, I wouldn't care. I can't be forced to choose between my best friend and my girlfriend again. Not happening!  
  
Anya: Oh, you're so sweet. I think you deserve a special treat.  
  
Xander: Really? Does it involve chocolate and a lot of other ooey and gooey desserts?  
  
Anya; Something even better.  
  
Xander: What?  
  
(Anya grabs a pair of pom poms out of her pocket that match the cheerleader outfit she's wearing).  
  
Anya: 2,4,6,8  
  
Who do I appreciate?  
  
Xander, Xander, go Xander!  
  
3,5,7,9  
  
Let's find the trail before we're out of time.  
  
Xander, Xander, go Xander!  
  
(She does a split. Surprisingly, she doesn't get hurt in the process. However, she then jumps up holding her pom poms out and smashes Xander right in the jaw.0  
  
Xander: Ow!!!!!!!!!  
  
Anya: Oooooooo, sorry! So, did you like my cheer?  
  
Xander: It was very, um…., very, um……, um……?  
  
Anya: What? Wonderful? Sweet? Cute?  
  
Xander: Um, it was interesting.  
  
Anya: Yeah! Does that mean you liked it?  
  
Xander: Um……. (Just as he was about to answer a blindfolded Drusilla enters the room.  
  
Drusilla: I smell people.  
  
Xander: And I smell psycotic vampire. Run!!!!!  
  
Drusilla: Wait, have you seen my key?  
  
Xander: Your what?  
  
Drusilla: My key. It won't speak to me. Must be part of the game. Are you playing?  
  
Anya: No. We're looking for…  
  
(Xander cuts Anya off)  
  
Xander: Anya, don't be silly. Have you forgotten?  
  
Anya: No, I haven't. We're not looking for the key. We're looking for…  
  
(Xander cuts her off again)  
  
Xander: (mutters to Anya) Just play along, okay? For once.  
  
Anya: Um, ok.  
  
Xander: Anyway, yeah. We're looking for the kite, too.  
  
Anya: Key!  
  
Xander: Whatever.  
  
Anya: But you said…  
  
Xander: Never mind what I said. No, I'm afraid we haven't seen it. Hey, have you seen a trail of blood anywhere?  
  
Anya: Xander, she can't see! She's wearing a blindfold.  
  
Drusilla: The voices, they're telling me it's down the hall and to the right.  
  
Xander: Really? Thanks!  
  
Drusilla: The voices, the voices…..  
  
Xander; Um, yeah, go voices. Come Anya!  
  
Drusilla: Maybe it's in the basement.  
  
Xander: (Realizes that's kind of close to the dungeon) Hey, why don't we try there and you try the opposite side of the castle. Maybe the attic?  
  
Drusilla: Okay!  
  
(Skips along humming. She trips over her dress)  
  
Drusilla: Ow!!!!!  
  
Xander: Come on Anya, let's get out of here!  
  
Anya: Do we have to actually look for the key?  
  
Xander: What? No!  
  
Anya: Ok, good. Then it's Anya and Xander to the rescue!  
  
Xander: Good grief!  
  
Anya: No, we need to say something more catchy. How about cheerleader and boyfriend to the rescue?  
  
Xander; But you're not a cheerleader!  
  
Anya: No, but I'd like to be. Besides, sounds catchy.  
  
Xander: You know what? Say whatever you want. Now let's find the trail.  
  
(Drusilla's directions are correct and they find the trail. They follow it for about 10 minutes and find the dungeon.)  
  
Xander: Uh oh, what if Spike couldn't rescue Buffy?  
  
(Back inside the dungeon)  
  
Angelus: See, I told you I'd make you beg for it!  
  
Spike: No, don't kill her! Kill me instead!  
  
Angelus: Spike, it's not your choice. It's hers.  
  
Spike: What?  
  
(Suddenly, Anya bursts the door).  
  
Anya: Have no fear, cheerleader is here!  
  
Spike: Good G-d, we're as good as dead! 


	3. 24-27 (The Ending chapters, at last!)

1 Scene 24: Green Drinks for everyone!  
  
My last few chapters are strong R's. (Maybe not so much scene 24, but still) OK, you have been warned!  
  
(Okay, it really is beginning to bug me that they've strayed so far away from The Rocky Horror Picture Show script and have gone completely out of character, so I at least want to have this song in it.)  
  
Okay, you may resume reading.  
  
Angelus: (In an almost giddy voice) Ooooooooo goody, more people to torture!  
  
Xander: (Very sarcastically) Oh joy! Won't that be something fun to remember?  
  
Angelus: Well, you may not be able to remember it, being dead and all.  
  
Anya: No! You can't kill him before we get married! The honeymoon wouldn't be the same without him.  
  
Angelus: Trust me baby, you wouldn't be missing much.  
  
Xander: Hey!  
  
Spike: Oh, will the three of you shut up!  
  
Anya: Hey!  
  
Spike: And another thing Anya, loose the ridiculous cheerleader outfit.  
  
Anya: Okay.  
  
(The outfit comes off and she's standing there in her bra and underwear.)  
  
Xander: Anya, what have I told you about taking your clothes off in public?  
  
Anya: Oh Xander, you're no fun!  
  
Angelus: But I sure am, baby!  
  
Xander: Just what exactly are you implying?  
  
(Buffy and Spike stare at Xander in bewilderment.)  
  
Spike: Wait, that sentence was way too intelligent to be coming from Xander!  
  
Xander: Spike!  
  
Spike: Yeah.  
  
Xander: Spike, why don't you shut up!  
  
Anya: You tell him honey!  
  
Angelus: All of you shut up, or I'll rip your tounges out!  
  
Anya: Hmmmph!  
  
Buffy: Well, now that we're all getting along so well…  
  
Angelus: Can it, slayer! Now, you guys have had your fun, but now it's time for mine.  
  
Everyone except Xander: Huh?  
  
(They all look at Xander)  
  
Xander: What?  
  
Anya: Never mind, sweetie, it'd be too complicated for you to understand.  
  
Spike: They sound like a married couple already!  
  
Anya: Thank you, my dear friend Spike.  
  
Pssst, Xander, was that the polite way of receiving a compliment?  
  
Xander: When you finally do it correctly, it's to Spike!  
  
Angelus: Enough! Now, none of you are in the position to fight me. The slayer doesn't have her powers, and "superman" here is all tied up, so you guys need to listen to me!  
  
Xander: Sheesh, someone didn't get enough love as a child.  
  
(Angelus walks over to Xander and punches him unconcious)  
  
Anya: Hey, don't you dare hurt my Xander!  
  
(She glances at Angelus with her heat vision. However, Angelus was prepared for her this time, and put a mirror in front of him, setting Anya on fire instead.)  
  
Anya: Oh, something's burning.  
  
(Looks at her cheerleader outfit. It's in flames. [Hey, she put it back on when Xander told her to, okay!]  
  
Anya: Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fire!!!!!!!  
  
Angelus: (Evily laughing) Let's see how much you like being on fire, demon!  
  
(She drops on the floor and starts rolling. Her cheerleader outfit is ruined, and she once again is in her bra and underwear.)  
  
Angelus: Tsk, tsk, and I though cheerleader outfits weren't flammable. Aw well, it was funnier that way!  
  
(Anya begins to cry on the floor)  
  
Spike: Hey, cut that out! It's one thing to pick on Xander, but don't you dare mess with Anya!  
  
Buffy: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?  
  
Spike: I dunno pet, what do you want it to mean?  
  
Angelus: (Cracking up) Oh, this is turning out so much better than I thought it would. Forget about the stupid chorus! I'm not hungry for food. I WANT ENTERTAINMENT!  
  
Buffy: What are you saying?  
  
Angelus: I'm saying that we're straying a little too far from the Rocky Horror script, if you know what I mean. I followed it almost exactly, but you and Spike had to change it. Can't you go one minute without someone in your pants?  
  
(This infuriates Buffy, and she slaps him as hard as she possibly can. But that's not very hard without her slayer powers)  
  
Angelus: Oh, I love it when she's mad Spike, it's so cute!  
  
Spike: Yeah, I admit, it is adorable.  
  
Angelus: You see what I'm saying, Spike? You have to be aggressive with this little slut. You have to let her know who's boss. Mark your property. Set the rules.  
  
Spike: Yeah, yeah, you're making sense.  
  
Angelus: All this time I've been trying to help you see that, but every time, you acted pathetic.  
  
Buffy: Fuck you, Angelus!  
  
Angelus: Been there, done that. (Laughs) Twice!  
  
Spike: You son of a bitch! Buffy, how could you? Are you that much of a slut?  
  
Buffy: Spike, I didn't have a choice…  
  
Spike: No, bitch! Angelus was right. Damn it, I hate it when that happens.  
  
Buffy: Spike, I…  
  
Spike: Don't speak, I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses.  
  
Buffy: But Spike…  
  
Spike: Don't you ever close your mouth?  
  
Buffy: (Screams at the top of her lungs.) Spike, I love you!  
  
Spike: And another… what?  
  
Buffy: You heard me.  
  
Spike: But I must have been mistaken, after all (smirks) it was very hard to hear.  
  
Buffy: You're not going to make me say it again, are you?  
  
Spike: Say what again?  
  
Buffy: Alright, fine. I'm in love with you, Spike.  
  
(Silence for a second)  
  
Angelus: Hey, keep going, this is way better then that Passions show you watch, Spike!  
  
Spike: Hey, nothing is better than Passions!  
  
Angelus: I don't know, she should have realized that that was his twin at the bar, not him.  
  
Spike: True, true.  
  
Angelus: Okay, let's get back on topic. You guys are all my prisoners. I am bored. Want you guys to entertain me, or I will kill you. Any questions?  
  
Spike: Yeah Peaches, what do we have to do?  
  
Angelus: Everyone has to drink this.  
  
(Hands Spike a glass filled with some sort of bright green liquor, like from Moulin Rouge)  
  
Buffy: I'm not drinking that, it could be poison.  
  
Spike: Bloody likely, Slayer. If he wanted us dead, he would have done so already. He wants us to suffer.  
  
Angelus: And to make me laugh.  
  
Spike: Oh yeah, that too!  
  
Buffy: You can't make me drink it!  
  
Spike: What does it do, anyway?  
  
Angelus: Gets you really drunk and tipsy. Way stronger than anything you ever drink, Spike.  
  
Buffy: Ewwww, I don't think so!  
  
Angelus: You know, I can kill him and still make you drink it.  
  
Buffy: Fine, I'll drink it.  
  
(Angelus hands her a glass and she drinks the whole thing in one sip and than nearly collapses.) She would have collapsed if she hadn't been chained up.  
  
(He then goes over to Xander, and splashes some on his face to wake him up)  
  
Xander: Hey, say it, don't spray it!  
  
Angelus: Drink this, Harris.  
  
Xander: What is it?  
  
Angelus: Um, it's a new type of soda.  
  
Xander: Cool! (He drinks it and than goes back to being unconscious)  
  
Angelus: (mutters to himself) What an idiot!  
  
(He then walks over to Anya, still crying on the floor.)  
  
Angelus: (In an very gentle voice) Here, drink this.  
  
Anya: Do I have a choice?  
  
Angelus: No, afraid not.  
  
Anya: Well than, liquor me up! I warning you though, I'm a very strange drunk.  
  
Angelus: Oh, that's kind of what I expected.  
  
(She drinks it and collapses)  
  
Angelus: Guess it's just you, Spike.  
  
Spike: Just give me the freaking drink!  
  
Angelus: I bet you that you're going to collapse like the rest of them did.  
  
Spike: What? No way! If anyone can hold their liquor, it's Spike.  
  
Angelus: Well, let's find out.  
  
(He gives Spike the glass and he drinks it in one big gulp)  
  
Spike: (With his speech all slurred) Thhhhhaaaaayyyyyyt waaaaaaaazzzzzzznnnnnnnt soooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Oooooooooooo, looooookkkkk at ullllllllllll the purty coulors.  
  
(Lays there unconscious)  
  
Angelus: Honestly Spike, am I ever wrong?  
  
2 Scene 25: Rose Tint My World  
  
Note to my readers: Oops, I lied again! I'm not ending my story as a Spike/Buffy fanfiction, because I like the shippers the story's going to end with much better! But I'm not telling you what they are now! You have to read on….  
  
(Angelus has taken Anya, Buffy, Xander, and Spike to an old stage in the castle. He dresses them ALL up in fishnets, stockings, makeup, high heels and garter belts. They look almost exactly like the characters looked in the movie. As they begin to wake up, he puts them in a line and to come out on their turn. By now, Angelus is no longer wearing fishnets. He's wearing black, tight leather pants and no shirt! [doesn't that make your mouth water?] He then takes his place in the pool, on a very comfortable looking tube. He brings a bag of blood covered popcorn with him to eat while he watches. He can see the stage perfectly from there, and is ready to watch the "show")  
  
Angelus: People, people, get ready! The show is about to begin! And remember your cues!  
  
(Anya waltzes on the stage, giggling hysterically. She trips on her very high heels and falls. She cracks up laughing. The song ROSE TINT MY WORLD starts to play)  
  
ROSE TINT MY WORLD  
  
Anya: It was great when it all began.  
  
I was a regular demon fan.  
  
But it was over when they had the plan,  
  
To smash my necklace into little bits  
  
(Music stops and everyone backstage stares at her)  
  
Anya: What? I'm no good at this whole rhyming thing!  
  
(Music continues)  
  
Anya: And the only thing that gives me hope,  
  
Is my love for a certain dope.  
  
Xander: (from backstage) Hey, I'm no dope!  
  
Angelus: Shut up Harris, I'm trying to enjoy myself!  
  
Anya: (With her speech all slurred) Thhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssss iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssss soooooooooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch fuuuuuuuuuuuuun, I maaayy fly!  
  
Angelus: Um, sure, you do that. But after the number, ok!  
  
Anya: K.  
  
Rose tint my world and keep me safe from my trouble and pain.  
  
(Spike enters, and he REALLY is a site to see! Makeup, fishnets, the works! Angelus cracks up so hard, that he manages to choke on a popcorn kernel and spits it in Spike's eye.)  
  
Spike: Oooooooowwwwwwwwwwww, maatttttte, that huuuuuuurt!  
  
(Angelus cracks up hysterically again. He is tearing, he laughed so hard)  
  
Angelus: I've never laughed this hard in my entire undead or living life! And don't worry Spike.  
  
(Grabs camera Spike used before on Angelus from the pool side)  
  
Angelus: I'm capturing it all on film!  
  
Spike: Ooooooooo, film is niiiiiiiiiiice. I liiiiiiiiike fiiiiiiiiilm!  
  
Angelus: You won't after you see this tape!  
  
Spike: Huh? Too many words! Just wanna stop spinning. I can't stand these coulors!  
  
Angelus: Just sing.  
  
Spike: Fine. No need to be grumpy.  
  
I'm just 128 years old,  
  
And I'm feeling really stoned.  
  
And I really want to go home,  
  
Because Peaches won't throw me a freaking bone!  
  
And the only thing I've come to trust,  
  
Is an orgasmic rush of lust.  
  
Rose tint my world and keep me safe from my trouble and pain.  
  
(Xander now goes on the stage. He looks the most ridiculous of all, but that was too be expected. Angelus doesn't even comment, it was too priceless a moment. He begins to sing his verse.)  
  
Xander: It's beyond me,  
  
Help me mommy!  
  
I'll be good, you'll see,  
  
Just take this dream away!  
  
(Feels his leg)  
  
What's this? Let's see!  
  
I feel sexy!  
  
(Angelus cracks up so hard that he nearly flips the tube over.) [Relax, it's a waterproof camera, so if it falls into the pool, the film doesn't get ruined and no one gets electrified!]  
  
What's come over me?  
  
Here it comes again!  
  
(Then Buffy walks on looking like a hooker. Angelus doesn't laugh. He's staring intensely at her, knowing that she'd be saying and doing some stuff that she'd regret for the rest of her life. It was the best possible revenge he could think of, and he wanted to savor it. And get it on film and make her watch it over and over and over.)  
  
Buffy:  
  
Oooooo, oooooo. I feel released,  
  
Bad times deceased.  
  
My confidence had increased,  
  
Reality is here!  
  
The game has been dispanded,  
  
My mind has been expanded.  
  
It's a gas, Angelus landed,  
  
My lust is so sincere!  
  
(By this time, they all stare at Angelus, as if they were zombies.)  
  
Angelus: Oh, you guys wanna play?  
  
Anya: What, like a game?  
  
Angelus: Yeah, something like that. (Huge grin on his face, for his revenge has gotten even better than he had possibly ever imagined) Why don't you guys come on in? The water's fine.  
  
(Spike and Anya walk to one side of the pool, Xander and Buffy, the other. They then all jump in at the same time, and as if they are being drawn in, they all swim to Angelus.)  
  
Angelus: Now, that's much better! Finally, you guys listen. Now, Buffy, I have a question. It's dark out, you're in a pool, wearing lingerie and heavy makeup, and I'm here shirtless. What do you wanna do?  
  
Buffy: You!  
  
Angelus: Say it louder, bitch!  
  
Buffy: You, Angelus!  
  
Angelus: That's my girl!  
  
(He then looks at Spike.)  
  
Angelus: Spike, now you get a choice. Who do you want to fuck with?  
  
Spike: Bloody hell, do I need to even answer that question?  
  
Angelus: Well, she's mine! So choose someone else, or I'll choose for you, and you won't like my choice.  
  
Spike: You mean, him? I'd die 1st! No contest, Anya!  
  
Angelus: Then show her who the hell her boss is!  
  
Spike: (Goes over to Anya's ear)  
  
(Whispers) Don't worry, the liquor is beginning to wear off of me, being a vampire and all. I won't hurt you, I promise.  
  
Anya: (very meekly) But this feels wrong.  
  
Spike: I know, same here. I like you, but that wouldn't be right.  
  
Anya: Yeah. I mean, you're hot and all, but I can't cheat on Xander.  
  
Spike: Really? You think I'm hot?  
  
Anya: (blushes a little) Well, yeah.  
  
Spike: Oh my g-d, you're blushing. You never blush.  
  
Anya: It's nothing.  
  
Spike: Are you sure? It doesn't feel like nothing.  
  
Anya: I, um…  
  
Spike: Hey, love. I think you're hot, too.  
  
Anya: Really?  
  
Spike: Oh yeah, very hot. And very funny. And I can totally relate to you.  
  
Anya: Gee Spike, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.  
  
(She brings her mouth to Spike's and kisses him. It was a small kiss at first, but then Spike kisses her back, and it becomes very passionate. Pretty soon, they find themselves sinking, and get out of the pool, lips interlocked the entire time)  
  
Xander: (Sounding very annoyed) Hey, what about me?  
  
(Just at that moment, the door burst open, Giles and Drusilla standing in front of it in matching gold dresses, with Oz and Willow standing behind them, in matching science lab coats.)  
  
Giles: Angelus, it's all over.  
  
Your mission is a failure, your lifestyle's too extreme!  
  
I'm the new commander, you now are my prisoner.  
  
We're returning back to Sunnydale!  
  
Drusilla, prepare the transit beam!  
  
3 Scene 26: Returning Back To Sunnydale  
  
Everyone: Giles, what on earth are you wearing?  
  
Giles: A gold dress, what does it look like?  
  
Angelus: Mad ugly, that's for sure.  
  
Drusilla: Yeah, and you think you looked good in fishnets?  
  
Angelus: Drusilla? You're with, with HIM?!?  
  
(Spike and Anya stop kissing to see what's going on. When he sees Giles, he begins to laugh a little, but stops when he sees Drusilla glaring at him.)  
  
Spike: Sorry, mate. It actually isn't a bad color for you.  
  
Giles: Gee, that was nice of you, Spike!  
  
(Spike pulls Drusilla on the side)  
  
Spike: So, you hit it off with Giles?  
  
Drusilla: Yeah, he's my fella.  
  
Spike: Well, I'm very glad. You guys look like you're in love. I'm happy for you.  
  
Drusilla: Thanks. Now I realize that I haven't been understanding the voices. I left you because I was destined to be with Giles.  
  
Spike: Sure. Hey, do you want to still be friends.  
  
Drusilla: Of course! That's all I wanted all along, I guess.  
  
(They hug)  
  
Drusilla; Oh, and good luck with Anya. She's perfect for you.  
  
Spike: Yeah, she really is. But I think she's homesick and frankly, so am I. Could you guys get us out of here?  
  
Drusilla: But we were going to torture Angelus 1st. For what he did to Giles several years ago.  
  
Spike: Sure, but can you do that in Sunnydale?  
  
Drusilla: Um, sure. (She smiles and goes over to Giles and kisses him. She tells him that they could torture Angelus in Sunnydale, and he agrees. He tells Willow to do the reversal spell.)  
  
Willow: Please reverse my silly spell,  
  
And bring us back to Sunnydale hell.  
  
(They all are sucked back into the VCR and pop back out of Willow's T.V.)  
  
4 Scene 27: Get What You Deserve!  
  
(They all pop out of the T.V., still dresses the same way.)  
  
Xander: Hey, at least Giles finally found a woman somewhat close to his age!  
  
Oz: Wow, that was such a cool feeling!  
  
Willow and Xander: Oz, shut up!  
  
(They both laugh)  
  
Willow: Say Xander, since Tara left me and Oz and I have decided to be just friends…  
  
Oz: Hey, when did we decide that?  
  
Willow: Um, just now!  
  
Oz: Oh, ok.  
  
Willow: Anyway, I know that Anya's with Spike, and I still think you're cute, so do you wanna go screw at your place?  
  
Xander: Sure! Hey Anya, you cool with this?  
  
Anya: Sure. I knew you guys were meant for each other, anyway. Don't worry about the wedding. Here's the ring back.  
  
Xander: Ok, and thanks for not trying to keep it. It was expensive!  
  
Willow: Ok Xander, enough talk! Let's go have some hot monkey sex!  
  
Xander: Oh, I love the way you think! Smart girls are so hot!  
  
(They run out the door)  
  
Giles: You know what? I don't feel like torturing Angelus anymore. Besides, he'd probally kick my ass anyway.  
  
Angelus: Um, yeah, pretty much got it covered.  
  
Giles: Hey, Dru? Do you want to move in with me?  
  
Drusilla: Oooooo, sure. Hey Giles, are we going to Britain or staying here?  
  
Giles: Where would you like to go?  
  
Drusilla: Guam!  
  
(They kiss and run out the door)  
  
Buffy: Spike, I wanna ask you something…  
  
Spike: (cracks up hysterically) Don't wanna hear it, Slayer! Don't fancy being your whipping boy anymore. Come Anya, let's go back to my place.  
  
Anya: Ok, Spike. Then we can have hot monkey sex on the floor.  
  
Spike: Shagging on the bed works too, love!  
  
Anya: Um, I guess I never thought of that. Must be a lot more comfortable, too!  
  
(They head towards the door)  
  
Buffy: Wait! I just wanted to ask you if you didn't mind me going with Angelus!  
  
Spike: Oh. (Shrugs his shoulders) Um, sure. Have a good time. (Goes over to Angelus)  
  
Spike; Damn it, I hate it when you're right!  
  
Angelus: Come on, I had to help you. You needed a girl that went for the whole "being respected" routine, and Xander just was way too annoying. Besides, I had to get back at you for the whole stopping my Apocalypse thing)  
  
Spike: Oh, no prob. But burn the tape.  
  
Angelus: I don't think so!  
  
Spike: You suck.  
  
(He and Anya exit in an embrace)  
  
Angelus: Buffy, you're so pathetic!  
  
Buffy: (Big smile on her face)  
  
I know, don't you just want to spank me for it?  
  
Angelus: All the time Buffy, all the time.  
  
(She puts her arms around Angelus)  
  
Angelus: So you finally realized that you were meant to serve me?  
  
Buffy: Uh huh. And I love serving you.  
  
Angelus: Who's your master?  
  
Buffy: You are!  
  
Angelus: Say it louder!  
  
Buffy: You!  
  
Angelus: Then come!  
  
(He grabs her and takes her to L.A. on his motorcycle.[He has a motorcycle in this story, okay?!?] He accidently leaves the videotape of everything that happened on the kitchen table)  
  
(Dawn enters the house 10 minutes later)  
  
Dawn: Buffy? (Screams) Hey Buffy, forgot my toothbrush. BUFFY!  
  
(She looks at the table and sees a video)  
  
Dawn: Hey, I wonder what this is. (Looks at it) Hmmm, I'm sure Buffy wouldn't mind me borrowing it. I can watch it with Sandy. Oooo, I hope it's not a kid movie!  
  
4.1  
  
THE END 


	4. I need your opinion!

Okay I have an idea for a sequel to my story. However, I'm in the middle of a Bring It On/ BtVS crossover and possibly another story. I want to write it, but won't if not enough people read 1st one. I got reviews when my story came out, but then they stopped. I'm, not sure if people just forgot about it, lost interest or just didn't feel like reviewing once they finished it. I hope the last one is the case! If it is, please review, just so I know people have read it (even if you've reviewed before).  
By the way, it is finished. I fit it into 3 chapters, so you may not have realized that I updated. I hoped you enjoyed it, but if you didn't reviewanyway. Negative reviews are better than no reviews. At least then I know what to improve on. But try not to be too mean (aka: THAT WAS THE WORST STORY I EVER READ!) Be nice! 


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